5 Cover Songs Infinitely Better Than The Original

N.S.F.M.

Have you ever heard a bad cover song? I know I have. Phil Collins cover of True Colors comes to mind. You'll find none of that here.  I also don't want to hear any type of argument as to a song I missed.  This isn't about the best cover songs of all time.  This is about covers that are so much better than the original because they either suck, or the cover artist just rocks them so much better.

5) Simple Man

This song, originally done by Lynyrd Skynyrd (no vowels), is was written just after Ronnie Van Zant's grandmother and Gary Rossington's mother both passed away. They were one day just reminiscing about everything both women meant to them, and the song just came to life.

Covering Artist:

Shinedown

Why It's Roxxx:

Solo.

Nevermind the fact that Brent Smith probably didn't take a breath for the 8 minute duration of the cover. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, beats the sound you get when a man sits down with an acoustic six string and just goes at it. Electric may sound cool, but you don't get the feeling deep down inside that you do with acoustic. Besides that, Smith does sing better than Van Zant, so he's got that going for him, which is nice.

4) I Will Survive

For those who have never heard this song, Gloria Gaynor sang this. It's about a tumultuous relationship. You know, the on-again-off-again sort. Well, she finally had enough, and decided that he wasn't coming back. And that she will, indeed, survive.

Covering Artist:

Cake

Why It Roxxx:

Disco.  Or, namely, the lack there of.

You know what's made up? Disco. Basically, the entire back story to the disco you know and love is fabricated. A reporter had to make a deadline. The best way to do that is to just bullshit your way to the top. And that's exactly how he did. Real discos were basically the equivalent to gay orgies lubricated with acid mixed with rave music. Seriously. Look that shit up. I'm not saying disco sucks because of that. I'm saying that disco sucks because it's made up. And Cake's version has none of that. Oh, and with the substitution of "I should have changed my fucking lock" for "I should have changed that stupid lock", this one wins out.  Plus Gaynor hates Cake's version for this line, which makes it so much better.

3) King of Wishful Thinking

Oh, the lovely world of late 80's, early 90's one hit wonders for movies.  This "classic" song by Go West was featured in Pretty Woman.  It was actually the title song.  You know what artist would have made more sense for the title song?  The one that Henry Winkler got tattooed on his ass.  But I digress.  On we go!

Covering Artist:

New Found Glory

Why It Roxxx:

No Air Play/Rock

New Found Glory is known for their covers.  They have had a few hits that were originals, but they've made two albums completely from covers.  This song is on the second album, and can be heard here.  And don't you even dare to tell me I'm wrong.

2) I Heard It Through The Grapevine

Contrary to popular belief, this song was originally recorded by Smokey Robinson.  No shit.  Don't believe me?  Owned.

Covering Artist:

Marvin Gaye

Why It Roxxx:

It's Marvin Fucking Gaye.

This is the best cover song.  Ever.  Don't even argue it, I'll win.

1) All Along The Watchtower

Bob Dylan recorded this song in 1967.  It was only really ok, and should have been killed with fire.  And then, we had...

Covering Artist:

Jimi Hendrix

Why It Roxxx:

Bob Dylan

You know your version is pretty bad ass when the original artist says your version is better than his.  Bob "Everybody Must Get Stoned" Dylan loved Hendrix' version of Watchtower so much, he actually loved it more than his own.  True story, bro.  Read.

BONUS

Super Bass

Some of my readers will know the name Nikki Minaj.  She sucks.  If she were to die tomorrow, I'd be investigated for murder.  She's awful.  She makes Missy Elliot look good.

Covering Artist:

Karmin

Why It Roxxx:

Amy Heidemann

For those that don't know, Amy's the lead vocal for Karmin.  She also plays guitar.  You'll notice that Nikki neither sings (well) nor plays guitar in her version.  Which is why Karmin's is so much better.  Check it out here and you'll see what I mean.  If she weren't engaged to Nick, I'd try my fucking hardest to get her attention.  Tis life sometimes.

DJ Equipment, Lesson 1

So, from time to time, I will be learning valuable lessons from using my DJ equipment, whether I'm at a gig, or just screwing around with the equipment at home. I will be sharing these lessons via my blog. Today, I just learned my first lesson:

Always have back-up fuses.

Now, this may seem like it's common sense, but the amps run on fuses, which I didn't know. I was messing around, having it hooked up to my TV for when I play Rock Band or listen to music (and it's awesome. Didn't even have it at 1, and it felt like it was too loud). I got through 2 songs on Rock Band, and something blew out. I thought it was a speaker, because the one should be re-soldered. Turns out, the amp has a fuse spot that just had it blown. Time for a trip to Radio Shack!

C. D.

The Top 5 Most Perverted Artists (You Didn't Think Of)

So, I was driving around in my car, aimlessly wandering from Audubon, to Pottstown, to Reading, and back to Pottstown, listening to copious amounts of music, courtesy of my Zune. Various songs came on (Give It To Me Baby by Rick James, A Little Less Conversation by Elvis, and so on), and a few hit me like a ton of bricks: some of these artists are just plain perverted. The 2 that I just mentioned, you pretty much expect. However, there are a few that you wouldn't, such as...

5) The Police

Yes, I know that Sting has mentioned numerous times about his 10 hour stints for tantric sex, which is why the Police is no higher than 5. But the Police iteration I'm mentioning is before this happened. Let's take a look at some of the lyrics from some very popular Police songs:

Directly from the chorus for Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic:

Everything she does just turns me on.

OK, so I get the whole seductive dancing thing, but does it turn you on that she's picking her nose? Or how about when she gets the flu and there's liquid coming out of every orifice? I understand fetishes, but that's just downright dirty. But, wait, it gets worse:

Every single day and every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay, I'll be watching you

That would be the second verse of Every Breath You Take. At least with his voyeurism fetish, it's getting somewhat normal. But that doesn't make it any less illegal, Gordon! Oh, no. I'm on to you.

4) Foo Fighters

I love this band. I truly do. I was upset when Dave Grohl said that they were done with music, and you can understand that I was overjoyed to hear that they basically said "just kidding" and came back. But when it comes to perversion, Dave Grohl probably writes it as one of the best:

The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang

Really, Dave? Drummer from Nirvana, she sang that to you? Sounds like something that an incurably mentally ill rapist says to attempt to get out of, well, a rape charge. Something along the lines of "Officer, I would have stopped, but she told me before we started that, if she were to say stop, that I wouldn't, not until I was done."

3) Led Zeppelin

So, as I've mentioned in a previous post, this band has grown on me. This has given me to foresight to notice, for better or worse, that half of their songs are based on Tolkien's Lord of the Rings. And, yes, that song is on Led Zeppelin II. But, the other half? Not as innocent:

You need coolin', baby, I'm not foolin',
I'm gonna send you back to schoolin',
Way down inside honey, you need it,
I'm gonna give you my love,
I'm gonna give you my love.

Oh, Mr. Plant. Why must you be so subtle? First verse of Whole Lotta Love says it all. No, wait, the damn title does. Did I even need to put the lyrics up? Such as with the Police, it does get worse:

You'll be my only, my one and only. Is that the way it should start?
Crazy ways are evident, In the way that you're wearing your clothes
Sippin' booze is precedent as the evening starts to glow.

So you CAN go a little more subtle. But even a retarded monkey can pickup on the fact that you're telling a girl that she's your love of a lifetime so that you can get her drunk and get into her pants. Bravo, Robert. Bravo.

2) The Beatles

The only reason I'm saying the Beatles here as a whole, and not just John Lennon, is because everything was a group decision, at least in the early years. But, let's take a look at some John lyrics, and get this party rolling:

Love you ev'ry day girl,
Always on my mind.
One thing I can say girl,
Love you all the time.
Hold me, love me, hold me, love me.
I ain't got nothin' but love girl,
Eight days a week

Keeping in mind that I Wanna Hold Your Hand came out not that long before, this one seems innocent enough, but that's what Lennon was going for. He's wishing there's an extra day in the week, so he can love you more. And by "love you more", I'm talking about the kind where he humps your leg and gets some goo in your hair. Yeah, like that. But, it gets a little worse:

I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me...
She showed me her room, isn't it good Norwegian wood?

This song, as claimed by John, is about an affair he had while still married to the mother of his child. But, really? That detailed in the beginning of the song? Christ, at least leave a little to the imagination.

BONUS: Did I mention that this was all about John? Well, Paul's just as guilty:

Well, she was just 17,
You know what I mean,
And the way she looked was way beyond compare.
So how could I dance with another (ooh)
When I saw her standin' there.

That's not only dirty and incredibly stalkeresque, and just downright illegal where I come from. Don't believe me? Paul was 21 when he wrote this. Something about underage girls just drove him wild.

EDIT: It's been brought to my attention that age of consent laws, on average for the United States, are right around 16 years of age, including the grand old Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, so what Paul's singing about isn't actually illegal. However, I still stand by the "eww" factor of this.

1) Dave Matthews

He's one of the greatest songwriters of the 1990's and today. He's also one of the creepiest.

Don't believe me? Read on:

Oh and you come crash
Into me, baby
And I come into you
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show the world to me
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show your world to me
In a boys dream.. In a boys dream
Oh I watch you there
Through the window
And I stare at you
You wear nothing but you
Wear it so well
Tied up and twisted
The way I'd like to be
For you, for me, come crash
Into me

Where to begin? I'm not even going to touch the Peeping Tom aspect of this song, as he's staring at a completely nude woman through a window (how many times have I mentioned "illegal" in this article already). No, I'm going right to the other part. You want a girl to make your childhood fantasies come true by showing you her what I call the worst euphemism for the female sex organ. Your world? You're a great song writer, do better! Oh wait, he did, on the same damn album:

Straight in, suck up and go,
Cool it, swallow, swallow
Breathe deep, take it all
It comes cheap
Push it through the doors
Because in between the lines
I'm gonna pack more lines
So I can get in
Ooh traffic jam got more cars
Than a beach got sand
Suck it up, suck it up, suck it up,
Fill it up until no more
I'm no crazy creep, I've got it coming
To me because I'm not satisfied
The hunger keeps on growing
I eat too much
I drink too much
I want too much
Too much

A bit of a stretch, you say? Not so fast. The way I read these lyrics, it's him talking to himself about giving to the $20 hooker that his older and "wiser" friend got him for his 18th birthday. Because nothing says "welcome to manhood" like a lifetime of penicillin. Seriously, try reading the lyrics now that you're in on that point of view. Sick, huh?

So there you have it. Now that I've successfully presented a case for all of these artists to be on the flip side of what you thought, do me a favor: go and try to listen to these songs the same way you always have.

C. D.

And The DJ Is In Business, Literally!

Good evening, kids!

I just wanted to let you all know that, should Josh pick his phone up tomorrow, my DJ equipment will finally be in my possession. I can start kicking the grooves at a party near you for a small, nominal fee. I can't promise anything but a good time. I take requests. I, however, will need a few weeks notice to pull anything off. If you're having a party, and want to have music but want to have the freedom to roam around your domicile, give me a chance. I promise, again, that I will provide a great time!

So, there's my business plug for the evening/week/month/whatever. I'm sure you'll see a bunch of them.

Anyway, I just received conformation that I'm pretty much going to have off for the wedding I'm going to on May 1st. Boaz, get ready for a wild time. You too, Krista. This is going to be a very interesting trip, as these 2 are 2 of my closest friends, and they will be meeting each other for the first time. And don't think I'm leaving you out, Angie and Clay. I know this is your wedding, but you guys are going to be very busy. You'll just have to hang out with us when you can.

Until next time,

C. D.

The Beatles!

OK, so it's another episode of my life. This entry is about my Beatles albums.

When I was younger, I didn't have quite the same musical tastes I do now. It was basically just what they played on Y100. Not much variety. But, thanks to my parents, and quite possibly divine intervention, I've learned better music (not that Y100 wasn't good). I've really gotten into older bands, such as Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, and The Beatles. And, as all The Fab Four's albums have been digitally remastered, I am currently on a quest to not only pick up those, but the compilation albums that, apparently, Apple doesn't really care about. I give to you, the list (the ones I own are in red):

Studio Albums (Remastered Ones)
Please Please Me (1963)
With The Beatles (1963)
A Hard Day's Night (1964)
Beatles For Sale (1964)
Help! (1965)
Rubber Soul (1965)
Revolver (1966)
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1967)
Magical Mystery Tour (1967)
The White Album (1968)
Yellow Submarine (1969)
Abbey Road (1969)
Let It Be (1970)

Compilations (Just the ones I want)
Hey Jude (1970)
1962-1966 (1973)
1967-1970 (1973)
Rock 'n' Roll Music (1976)
Anthology 1 (1995)
Anthology 2 (1996)
Anthology 3 (1996)
1 (2000)
Let It Be... Naked (2003)

I know, it's a big undertaking. I'm hoping to get some of these as gifts to help out with the collection hunting. I'll be updating this as I get them, but I won't be re-posting. That's just too much work.

C. D.