3D in Madden 11

Ok, so I have to start this post off with the notation that I am a gamer. However, I'm not the delusional gamer that most people run across over the internet. I don't own at any single game, but I can hold my own. You know these types.

I'm also going to preface this with a little short story. I signed into Live one night last week, and hooked up in a party with my buddy Choate. We're just talking, shooting the breeze, catching up with each other, and he asks the question, "Did Kola mention anything to you about Madden in 3D?" I was confused at this point, as I hadn't even heard of it at this point. He briefly explained it, and told me I should ask him the next time I played with him. In pops our buddy PJ. I asked him about Kola's love for Madden in 3D, and his response was "Oh, god." But he said it in a deflating way, knowing full well that Kola is acting like a third grader.

Well, in pops Kola later that evening. He starts off with this: "You know, when I sign on, and it says 3 Friends Online, and I notice which three they are, I'm fully tempted to just sign off." Well, after about 3 minutes of insults and the usual with these friends of mine, I had to ask: "Hey, Kola. I haven't heard anything about Madden being in 3D. What's it all about?" He immediately went defensive, because PJ and Choate both chuckled. He said things like "Are you screwing with me?" and his personal favorite "F*ck off."

Well after about 10 minutes of cooling him off, I finally was comfortable enough to start asking more questions, along the lines of "Tell me more about it." He went on to explain that, through Doritos codes, you can turn Madden into a 3D experience. You would just need to get normal 3D glasses, you know the kind that used to look at 3D pictures when you were 9. He did this with the quiet enthusiasm as a kid on Christmas Eve. After he was done, my reaction was "That sounds really, really... Toolish.", although I used a different word. Kola replied with a very angry "F*ck you."

While I did get him good (which is a semi-rare occurrence), I feel it necessary to explain why I think this is an awful idea.

1) You'll Look Like A Tool

It's bad enough that, to communicate over XBox Live you must wear a headset. You may feel like a war general or an NFL coach, but in reality, to people outside of the gaming experience you're having at that moment, you sound like you're arguing with your imaginary friends, and losing. Now throw in some 3D glasses. Now imagine anyone who has any amount of respect for you walks past the room and sees you with glasses on where one side of the frame is red and the other blue. A little piece of them just died because of how stupid you look.

2) You'll Feel Like A Tool

Now that I've brought it up in the point, good luck not feeling like a tool playing the game that way. You're welcome.

3) The Technology Exists.

They have 3D TV's. They have pictures of kindergartners finger paints, that when you look at them with crossed eyes, you see a schooner. The entire world is in 3D. The people in the military have invented a missile that will pinpoint the beard on a goat in Islamabad, Pakistan, and will blow up just the goat and not harm anything, or anyone, else in the process. However, they can't make a game that will be 3D without the help of some spectacles? Screw you, EA!

4) 3D Movies (Usually) Blow

I'm not talking about the plot here. I'm talking about the fact that this is a 2D game, where a 3D element is placed over it in the end, much like most of the 3D movies that have come out. None of them, save a couple (Avatar comes to mind) were filmed or developed with 3D in mind. If you want to read about it, click here, and scroll to the bottom.

In conclusion, Kola, I'm not attacking you. I'm attacking people who get excited over stupid crap. Wait, that's you in this instance. I guess I'm sorry.