NSFM
I just wanted to pop on here and let you all know that I'm not dead. There's just not that much excitement going on over here. I do have a vacation coming up in March. I'm planning on heading down to Murfreesboro, TN to visit some cool people. And I also have one, for 2 weeks, coming in June, which I'm using for a road trip with Sean, Kameleon, and K. We're not quite sure where we're going just yet, and won't until we get there, which makes it that much more fun. We're also planning on just camping to keep it cheap. I should smell like a bunch of roses when I get back.
I have, however, created a new Facebook game. Pretty much how it goes is that I post a line from a song as my status, and the first person to guess it correctly gets a drink on yours truly. And, while some of them have been guessed right away, there have been a few that have snuck... snuk... snuk... how the fuck do you spell that word?... sneaked... SNEAKED! I didn't even know that was a word... Anyway, sneaked through for no one. If you want, go ahead and guess. I hold up my end of the bargain.
C.D.
P.S. I just checked with Word. Snuck is actually a word. Mozilla can suck it.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Random Night Out
NSFM
So, my buddy Kameleon and I like to hang out and drink at this one bar called the Audubon Ale House. Unlike Good Ole Days from my 21st birthday story, this place is actually nice. I know 4 of the bartenders well enough to get away with shit most other people can't (i.e.: relentless flirting with the female bartenders). Last night, we went there (yes it's a Monday, but I'm on vacation, so back off) for the Denver-San Diego game. He's from San Diego, so he was enjoying himself at the massacre. However, the night wasn't story worthy, so I just present a bunch of quotes that I can remember:
Me - Did she just say that the Beatles were overrated?
Random Guy - Yeah. She doesn't know what she's talking about.
Kameleon - (about bartender) She clearly was not hired for her brain.
Kameleon - My dad was a defensive coordinator. He told us to keep our head up so that we don't tackle the grass.
Me - I'm sorry, I was distracted. (I wonder what I was looking at)
Me - It's a good thing you told me to come out when you did. I was doing so bad at Black Ops that I probably would have snapped my disc in half had I played one more game.
Kameleon - I'm buying shots for that whole side of the bar. Him, me, Kas, [redacted], De, Other Bartender, Her B/F, Do, Sean. So 7.
Bartender with Assets - (confused look)
Me - 9
Kameleon - Oh, shit. Your right. 9
BWA - (shakes head and walks away)
Friends in Low Places comes on the jukebox.
BWA - (to Random Guy) Did you place this shit?
Me - It was me.
BWA - I used to like this song. I would sing it in my car, and people would think I was crazy. Until they overplayed it in bars and what-not. (starts walking away) It's ok, I still love you, though.
Me - (to Kameleon) Did she say that she loved me?
Kameleon - I think she said she still loved you. I heard it in retrospect.
Me - So, we've been talking here for a while. What's your name?
Random Girl - Christin.
Me - Oh, awesome. That's my mom's name.
Christin - How does she spell it?
Me - With a K.
Christin - Mine's spelled C-H-R-I-S-T-I-N. Like Christine, but without the E. My parents were weird.
C.D.
P.S. - I'm sorry I lied to her, mom. She just really wasn't that bright, and I wanted to screw with her. And thank god she's never seen I Love You, Man.
So, my buddy Kameleon and I like to hang out and drink at this one bar called the Audubon Ale House. Unlike Good Ole Days from my 21st birthday story, this place is actually nice. I know 4 of the bartenders well enough to get away with shit most other people can't (i.e.: relentless flirting with the female bartenders). Last night, we went there (yes it's a Monday, but I'm on vacation, so back off) for the Denver-San Diego game. He's from San Diego, so he was enjoying himself at the massacre. However, the night wasn't story worthy, so I just present a bunch of quotes that I can remember:
Me - Did she just say that the Beatles were overrated?
Random Guy - Yeah. She doesn't know what she's talking about.
Kameleon - (about bartender) She clearly was not hired for her brain.
Kameleon - My dad was a defensive coordinator. He told us to keep our head up so that we don't tackle the grass.
Me - I'm sorry, I was distracted. (I wonder what I was looking at)
Me - It's a good thing you told me to come out when you did. I was doing so bad at Black Ops that I probably would have snapped my disc in half had I played one more game.
Kameleon - I'm buying shots for that whole side of the bar. Him, me, Kas, [redacted], De, Other Bartender, Her B/F, Do, Sean. So 7.
Bartender with Assets - (confused look)
Me - 9
Kameleon - Oh, shit. Your right. 9
BWA - (shakes head and walks away)
Friends in Low Places comes on the jukebox.
BWA - (to Random Guy) Did you place this shit?
Me - It was me.
BWA - I used to like this song. I would sing it in my car, and people would think I was crazy. Until they overplayed it in bars and what-not. (starts walking away) It's ok, I still love you, though.
Me - (to Kameleon) Did she say that she loved me?
Kameleon - I think she said she still loved you. I heard it in retrospect.
Me - So, we've been talking here for a while. What's your name?
Random Girl - Christin.
Me - Oh, awesome. That's my mom's name.
Christin - How does she spell it?
Me - With a K.
Christin - Mine's spelled C-H-R-I-S-T-I-N. Like Christine, but without the E. My parents were weird.
C.D.
P.S. - I'm sorry I lied to her, mom. She just really wasn't that bright, and I wanted to screw with her. And thank god she's never seen I Love You, Man.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The 21st Birthday Shaming
So, I recently had a conclusion. It was today, in fact. Right as I was getting back from lunch. This is a conclusion that I needed to come to, sooner or later, to take this blog in the direction that I feel that it should head. I need to declare this blog Not Safe For Minors To Read. That's right. I had to say it. As involved in a youth group as I am, I feel it necessary. I want to be a good role model for them, but at the same time, there's some stories that I would like to share that really aren't all that good for them to read. Therefore, in the beginning of those blog posts, I'll have written NSFM (not safe for minors) for various different reasons. Most of them cussing. And that's because, if I want to quote people, I want to do it accurately, and I can't do that without the cussing. Also, I will modifying people's names. I don't want people to be identified without their consent. So, now that that's out there...
NSFM
It's time to write about my 21st birthday.
I would like to preface this story by saying that I suffer from foot-in-mouth syndrome. I have this uncanny habit of saying things that will come back to bite me in the ass later. You'll see what I mean, as illustrated by this story.
I would also like to preface this story by saying that preface is the least manly word you can say without having a vagina.
If you want to know anything about me, it's that in college, I could drink. I could hang with anyone, drinking anything. My Achilles heal is tequila. I was not afraid to let anyone know, especially the week leading up to it. This is an actual conversation:
Me - Don't give me tequila. I will puke.
Guinea - Ok.
Me - I'm fucking serious. Don't do it.
Guinea - Duly noted.
Well, we'll flash forward to my 21st. We decide to go down to Good Ole Days. It's basically a little shit-in-the-hole bar in a college town that specializes in helping college students become alcoholics. The place was decrepit and always smelt like a mixture of stale beer, urine, and vomit. I loved this place.
We got there at about 11 on a Wednesday night. My actual birthday was a Thursday. Standing outside with the bouncer holding my ID, he continuously looked at me, then my ID, then me. And he kept doing this until:
Me - I know. I turn 21 at midnight.
Bouncer - Then come back at midnight.
Foot. In. Mouth. I did get slapped in the back of the head for this. We then went to Naps.
-SIDE BAR-
If you're ever in Bloomsburg, go to Naps and order a chicken cheese steak big mouth. Your heart might explode from the cholesterol coursing through your veins, but at least you'll die happy.
-END SIDE BAR-
A couple slices of pizza were ordered for me, and were placed in front of me with a shit eating grin. I can't remember who got the pizza, but judging by the grin, it was suspicious. I was worried. With good reason. Foreshadowing is a bitch.
We decide to head back to Good Ole Days at 11:30, because fuck that bouncer. He was still there. He looked at us, shook his head, said "If you come in, you're not leaving until after midnight", and let us in.
The group that entered the bar was as follows: Reed, Choate, Kola, Kivs, Guinea, Merz, CB, and Dermes.
I can't remember all the shots in order of how they came, but some of them were your just pour-and-serve (Jager, vodka, rum, etc). I know there was a kamikaze in there somewhere. There were also some shitty ones, like a Prairie Fire. The beers flowed, the shots went down.
There's 3 unspoken rules about turning 21: 1) The person who's birthday it is CANNOT refuse a shot, for any reason; 2) The person who's birthday it is must keep a list of what shots he/she took, in order, to watch that person's handwriting get sloppier and sloppier; and 3) There's always 2 shots purchased: one for the birthday boy, one for the purchaser. Rule #3 will be ignored here.
Since there's 8 guys out with me, and their sense of timing sucks, I kept getting the shots backed up. They kept buying, but they were buying faster than I could consume. I would take a shot, they would buy another, and put it behind the next. One shot that got placed in that mix was a Cement Mixer. I was allowed to not take this one because it had curdled waiting for me to take it. That's how long the wait was. Fucking guys.
I don't remember much of my list, but I do remember a few right in the middle of list:
No. 9 was a Minesweeper. For those who don't know, you get 1 shot of vodka, 1 shot of gin, and 2 shots of water. You're supposed to mix them up, so you don't know what order you're taking the shots, much like the computer game, Minesweeper. For maximum effectiveness, you should have at least 3 people mix them up. We did that. I mixed it up 2nd. As I took them, I got commentary, just judging by the look on my face:
Kola - "Gin... water... Vodka, fuck!... water... You lucky bastard, you got the luckiest combo!"
Not really. The best way to do it is gin, vodka, water, water.
The rest of the memory is 10) 3 Wise Men, 11) Dirty Girl Scout, 12) Red Headed Slut, 13) Purple Haze.
It was 12:15 at this point. Oh, yeah. I didn't mention that before.
So, it's a little after 12:30, and I've already downed 20 shots, and at least 3 beers. I had the list to prove this somewhere, but unfortunately, with the many residential moves I've made in the past years, I've misplaced the list. There's empty shot glasses and pitchers strewn across the table. And over walks Guinea with shot number 21.
Me - What is this?
Guinea - Just take it, you pussy.
Me - (slams shot) What the FUCK was that?
Guinea - I think you know.
Me - (reaching for a pitcher before he says "you") You mother fu--- BLLLAAAHHHHH!
Remember how I said foot-in-mouth. Well, as I was told in the future, Choate, Kola, Reed, and Guinea all huddled up, and were actually concerned for my safety, since I downed 20 shots in an hour. I called their bluff, and they were legitimately worried. Since it was Guinea's turn to make the purchase, he went for the kill. I was busy with 19 and 20. I didn't see this. You already know what the shot was.
As I'm walking to the bathroom puking in a pitcher from the Cuervo Guinea used to save my life, Kola walked with me so that I wouldn't walk into shit, but mostly so that he could take a piss. As I get into the bathroom, and puke into the toilet, I use my awesomeness to pour the contents of the pitcher into the toilet WHILE I WAS PUKING AND DIDN'T GET SHIT ON ME.
And then it happened. I saw a rainbow come out of my mouth. Purple, then Red, then Green, then Opaque Brown. And then nothing. I just stopped. This baffled Kola. He looked over at me.
Kola - You all right, man?
Me - Yeah. What's next?
That's right. A lot of people do the puke. I manned up and did the fucking rally as well. We went to a few more bars, but every time we left one, a few of the group tapered out. And, at the end of the night, I went home, by myself, and passed out watching SportCenter and eating Ramen at 3:30 in the morning. That's right. The person who's supposed to be unconscious first was the one who lasted the longest. I was the fucking man.
Until the next day, when I tried to wake up for my 11 AM class.
And preceded to go back to sleep. Because I felt like I would have died had I gone.
I then tried to get up for my 3:30. Because I'm retarded or something. I didn't feel up to walking to class, so my buddy, J-Crew McFly, borrowed Kola's car to drive me to class. The problem is that this is early September. It's still hot out. And he has leather seats.
At the time we leave, I only really have a headache. After we get to campus, it's much worse. Screw class, I'm going to the closest bathroom. In the Student Services Center. And I don't have to piss.
Needless to say, I didn't make it to class. It took me over an hour to get back home. Why? Because I stopped at every bench I could find, to sit on and put my head between my knees. And this was only the second worst hangover I've ever had (another story). I got home, and took a 3 hour nap. When I woke up, I was to get to the kitchen and make a Hot Pocket. I was feeling fine enough to go out again, so I did. When I got to the bar, I was greeted at the door with a drink.
D Hard - Drink this.
Me - I'm hungover as shit.
D Hard - I don't care. You said it was your birthday weekend. You're drinking this.
Oh, did I mention I told people that it was my birthday weekend, and if they saw me out and bought me a drink I would drink it? Yeah. Ooops.
Nothing really of note happened throughout the rest of the weekend, but this taught me to think before I talk.
C. D.
NSFM
It's time to write about my 21st birthday.
I would like to preface this story by saying that I suffer from foot-in-mouth syndrome. I have this uncanny habit of saying things that will come back to bite me in the ass later. You'll see what I mean, as illustrated by this story.
I would also like to preface this story by saying that preface is the least manly word you can say without having a vagina.
If you want to know anything about me, it's that in college, I could drink. I could hang with anyone, drinking anything. My Achilles heal is tequila. I was not afraid to let anyone know, especially the week leading up to it. This is an actual conversation:
Me - Don't give me tequila. I will puke.
Guinea - Ok.
Me - I'm fucking serious. Don't do it.
Guinea - Duly noted.
Well, we'll flash forward to my 21st. We decide to go down to Good Ole Days. It's basically a little shit-in-the-hole bar in a college town that specializes in helping college students become alcoholics. The place was decrepit and always smelt like a mixture of stale beer, urine, and vomit. I loved this place.
We got there at about 11 on a Wednesday night. My actual birthday was a Thursday. Standing outside with the bouncer holding my ID, he continuously looked at me, then my ID, then me. And he kept doing this until:
Me - I know. I turn 21 at midnight.
Bouncer - Then come back at midnight.
Foot. In. Mouth. I did get slapped in the back of the head for this. We then went to Naps.
-SIDE BAR-
If you're ever in Bloomsburg, go to Naps and order a chicken cheese steak big mouth. Your heart might explode from the cholesterol coursing through your veins, but at least you'll die happy.
-END SIDE BAR-
A couple slices of pizza were ordered for me, and were placed in front of me with a shit eating grin. I can't remember who got the pizza, but judging by the grin, it was suspicious. I was worried. With good reason. Foreshadowing is a bitch.
We decide to head back to Good Ole Days at 11:30, because fuck that bouncer. He was still there. He looked at us, shook his head, said "If you come in, you're not leaving until after midnight", and let us in.
The group that entered the bar was as follows: Reed, Choate, Kola, Kivs, Guinea, Merz, CB, and Dermes.
I can't remember all the shots in order of how they came, but some of them were your just pour-and-serve (Jager, vodka, rum, etc). I know there was a kamikaze in there somewhere. There were also some shitty ones, like a Prairie Fire. The beers flowed, the shots went down.
There's 3 unspoken rules about turning 21: 1) The person who's birthday it is CANNOT refuse a shot, for any reason; 2) The person who's birthday it is must keep a list of what shots he/she took, in order, to watch that person's handwriting get sloppier and sloppier; and 3) There's always 2 shots purchased: one for the birthday boy, one for the purchaser. Rule #3 will be ignored here.
Since there's 8 guys out with me, and their sense of timing sucks, I kept getting the shots backed up. They kept buying, but they were buying faster than I could consume. I would take a shot, they would buy another, and put it behind the next. One shot that got placed in that mix was a Cement Mixer. I was allowed to not take this one because it had curdled waiting for me to take it. That's how long the wait was. Fucking guys.
I don't remember much of my list, but I do remember a few right in the middle of list:
No. 9 was a Minesweeper. For those who don't know, you get 1 shot of vodka, 1 shot of gin, and 2 shots of water. You're supposed to mix them up, so you don't know what order you're taking the shots, much like the computer game, Minesweeper. For maximum effectiveness, you should have at least 3 people mix them up. We did that. I mixed it up 2nd. As I took them, I got commentary, just judging by the look on my face:
Kola - "Gin... water... Vodka, fuck!... water... You lucky bastard, you got the luckiest combo!"
Not really. The best way to do it is gin, vodka, water, water.
The rest of the memory is 10) 3 Wise Men, 11) Dirty Girl Scout, 12) Red Headed Slut, 13) Purple Haze.
It was 12:15 at this point. Oh, yeah. I didn't mention that before.
So, it's a little after 12:30, and I've already downed 20 shots, and at least 3 beers. I had the list to prove this somewhere, but unfortunately, with the many residential moves I've made in the past years, I've misplaced the list. There's empty shot glasses and pitchers strewn across the table. And over walks Guinea with shot number 21.
Me - What is this?
Guinea - Just take it, you pussy.
Me - (slams shot) What the FUCK was that?
Guinea - I think you know.
Me - (reaching for a pitcher before he says "you") You mother fu--- BLLLAAAHHHHH!
Remember how I said foot-in-mouth. Well, as I was told in the future, Choate, Kola, Reed, and Guinea all huddled up, and were actually concerned for my safety, since I downed 20 shots in an hour. I called their bluff, and they were legitimately worried. Since it was Guinea's turn to make the purchase, he went for the kill. I was busy with 19 and 20. I didn't see this. You already know what the shot was.
As I'm walking to the bathroom puking in a pitcher from the Cuervo Guinea used to save my life, Kola walked with me so that I wouldn't walk into shit, but mostly so that he could take a piss. As I get into the bathroom, and puke into the toilet, I use my awesomeness to pour the contents of the pitcher into the toilet WHILE I WAS PUKING AND DIDN'T GET SHIT ON ME.
And then it happened. I saw a rainbow come out of my mouth. Purple, then Red, then Green, then Opaque Brown. And then nothing. I just stopped. This baffled Kola. He looked over at me.
Kola - You all right, man?
Me - Yeah. What's next?
That's right. A lot of people do the puke. I manned up and did the fucking rally as well. We went to a few more bars, but every time we left one, a few of the group tapered out. And, at the end of the night, I went home, by myself, and passed out watching SportCenter and eating Ramen at 3:30 in the morning. That's right. The person who's supposed to be unconscious first was the one who lasted the longest. I was the fucking man.
Until the next day, when I tried to wake up for my 11 AM class.
And preceded to go back to sleep. Because I felt like I would have died had I gone.
I then tried to get up for my 3:30. Because I'm retarded or something. I didn't feel up to walking to class, so my buddy, J-Crew McFly, borrowed Kola's car to drive me to class. The problem is that this is early September. It's still hot out. And he has leather seats.
At the time we leave, I only really have a headache. After we get to campus, it's much worse. Screw class, I'm going to the closest bathroom. In the Student Services Center. And I don't have to piss.
Needless to say, I didn't make it to class. It took me over an hour to get back home. Why? Because I stopped at every bench I could find, to sit on and put my head between my knees. And this was only the second worst hangover I've ever had (another story). I got home, and took a 3 hour nap. When I woke up, I was to get to the kitchen and make a Hot Pocket. I was feeling fine enough to go out again, so I did. When I got to the bar, I was greeted at the door with a drink.
D Hard - Drink this.
Me - I'm hungover as shit.
D Hard - I don't care. You said it was your birthday weekend. You're drinking this.
Oh, did I mention I told people that it was my birthday weekend, and if they saw me out and bought me a drink I would drink it? Yeah. Ooops.
Nothing really of note happened throughout the rest of the weekend, but this taught me to think before I talk.
C. D.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
3D in Madden 11
Ok, so I have to start this post off with the notation that I am a gamer. However, I'm not the delusional gamer that most people run across over the internet. I don't own at any single game, but I can hold my own. You know these types.
I'm also going to preface this with a little short story. I signed into Live one night last week, and hooked up in a party with my buddy Choate. We're just talking, shooting the breeze, catching up with each other, and he asks the question, "Did Kola mention anything to you about Madden in 3D?" I was confused at this point, as I hadn't even heard of it at this point. He briefly explained it, and told me I should ask him the next time I played with him. In pops our buddy PJ. I asked him about Kola's love for Madden in 3D, and his response was "Oh, god." But he said it in a deflating way, knowing full well that Kola is acting like a third grader.
Well, in pops Kola later that evening. He starts off with this: "You know, when I sign on, and it says 3 Friends Online, and I notice which three they are, I'm fully tempted to just sign off." Well, after about 3 minutes of insults and the usual with these friends of mine, I had to ask: "Hey, Kola. I haven't heard anything about Madden being in 3D. What's it all about?" He immediately went defensive, because PJ and Choate both chuckled. He said things like "Are you screwing with me?" and his personal favorite "F*ck off."
Well after about 10 minutes of cooling him off, I finally was comfortable enough to start asking more questions, along the lines of "Tell me more about it." He went on to explain that, through Doritos codes, you can turn Madden into a 3D experience. You would just need to get normal 3D glasses, you know the kind that used to look at 3D pictures when you were 9. He did this with the quiet enthusiasm as a kid on Christmas Eve. After he was done, my reaction was "That sounds really, really... Toolish.", although I used a different word. Kola replied with a very angry "F*ck you."
While I did get him good (which is a semi-rare occurrence), I feel it necessary to explain why I think this is an awful idea.
1) You'll Look Like A Tool
It's bad enough that, to communicate over XBox Live you must wear a headset. You may feel like a war general or an NFL coach, but in reality, to people outside of the gaming experience you're having at that moment, you sound like you're arguing with your imaginary friends, and losing. Now throw in some 3D glasses. Now imagine anyone who has any amount of respect for you walks past the room and sees you with glasses on where one side of the frame is red and the other blue. A little piece of them just died because of how stupid you look.
2) You'll Feel Like A Tool
Now that I've brought it up in the point, good luck not feeling like a tool playing the game that way. You're welcome.
3) The Technology Exists.
They have 3D TV's. They have pictures of kindergartners finger paints, that when you look at them with crossed eyes, you see a schooner. The entire world is in 3D. The people in the military have invented a missile that will pinpoint the beard on a goat in Islamabad, Pakistan, and will blow up just the goat and not harm anything, or anyone, else in the process. However, they can't make a game that will be 3D without the help of some spectacles? Screw you, EA!
4) 3D Movies (Usually) Blow
I'm not talking about the plot here. I'm talking about the fact that this is a 2D game, where a 3D element is placed over it in the end, much like most of the 3D movies that have come out. None of them, save a couple (Avatar comes to mind) were filmed or developed with 3D in mind. If you want to read about it, click here, and scroll to the bottom.
In conclusion, Kola, I'm not attacking you. I'm attacking people who get excited over stupid crap. Wait, that's you in this instance. I guess I'm sorry.
I'm also going to preface this with a little short story. I signed into Live one night last week, and hooked up in a party with my buddy Choate. We're just talking, shooting the breeze, catching up with each other, and he asks the question, "Did Kola mention anything to you about Madden in 3D?" I was confused at this point, as I hadn't even heard of it at this point. He briefly explained it, and told me I should ask him the next time I played with him. In pops our buddy PJ. I asked him about Kola's love for Madden in 3D, and his response was "Oh, god." But he said it in a deflating way, knowing full well that Kola is acting like a third grader.
Well, in pops Kola later that evening. He starts off with this: "You know, when I sign on, and it says 3 Friends Online, and I notice which three they are, I'm fully tempted to just sign off." Well, after about 3 minutes of insults and the usual with these friends of mine, I had to ask: "Hey, Kola. I haven't heard anything about Madden being in 3D. What's it all about?" He immediately went defensive, because PJ and Choate both chuckled. He said things like "Are you screwing with me?" and his personal favorite "F*ck off."
Well after about 10 minutes of cooling him off, I finally was comfortable enough to start asking more questions, along the lines of "Tell me more about it." He went on to explain that, through Doritos codes, you can turn Madden into a 3D experience. You would just need to get normal 3D glasses, you know the kind that used to look at 3D pictures when you were 9. He did this with the quiet enthusiasm as a kid on Christmas Eve. After he was done, my reaction was "That sounds really, really... Toolish.", although I used a different word. Kola replied with a very angry "F*ck you."
While I did get him good (which is a semi-rare occurrence), I feel it necessary to explain why I think this is an awful idea.
1) You'll Look Like A Tool
It's bad enough that, to communicate over XBox Live you must wear a headset. You may feel like a war general or an NFL coach, but in reality, to people outside of the gaming experience you're having at that moment, you sound like you're arguing with your imaginary friends, and losing. Now throw in some 3D glasses. Now imagine anyone who has any amount of respect for you walks past the room and sees you with glasses on where one side of the frame is red and the other blue. A little piece of them just died because of how stupid you look.
2) You'll Feel Like A Tool
Now that I've brought it up in the point, good luck not feeling like a tool playing the game that way. You're welcome.
3) The Technology Exists.
They have 3D TV's. They have pictures of kindergartners finger paints, that when you look at them with crossed eyes, you see a schooner. The entire world is in 3D. The people in the military have invented a missile that will pinpoint the beard on a goat in Islamabad, Pakistan, and will blow up just the goat and not harm anything, or anyone, else in the process. However, they can't make a game that will be 3D without the help of some spectacles? Screw you, EA!
4) 3D Movies (Usually) Blow
I'm not talking about the plot here. I'm talking about the fact that this is a 2D game, where a 3D element is placed over it in the end, much like most of the 3D movies that have come out. None of them, save a couple (Avatar comes to mind) were filmed or developed with 3D in mind. If you want to read about it, click here, and scroll to the bottom.
In conclusion, Kola, I'm not attacking you. I'm attacking people who get excited over stupid crap. Wait, that's you in this instance. I guess I'm sorry.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Championships
So, my post the other day got me to thinking about the past championships that Philadelphia has won. There haven't been many recently. In fact, our 4 major sports teams have brought a combined total of 1 championship since 1983 home to the City of Brotherly Love. That's not a misprint. One. That would be the Phillies in 2008, if you forgot. But, as I was thinking about this, our teams have been there a lot recently. The Eagles made the Super Bowl in 2004, and made 5 NFC championships since the turn of the millenium. The Phillies have played in the past 4 NLCS'. The Flyers made the Stanley Cup finals last year. And the Sixers are, well, the Sixers.
But, as I sit here typing this, I can't help but think about all the past teams that have one championships in our great city. All the professional teams that have brought it all home. So, with that being said, I present to you all the professional sports championships that were brought home to Philadelphia. Feel free to thank me later.
1910 - Athletics
1911 - Athletics
1913 - Athletics
1926 - Yellow Jackets
1929 - Athletics
1930 - Athletics
1948 - Eagles
1949 - Eagles
1956 - Warriors
1960 - Eagles
1967 - 76ers
1974 - Flyers
1975 - Flyers
1980 - Phillies
1983 - 76ers
1984 - Stars (USFL)
1985 - Stars (USFL)
1989 - Wings
1990 - Wings
1994 - Wings
1995 - Wings
1998 - Wings
2001 - Wings
2002 - KiXX
2004 - Barrage
2006- Barrage
2007- KiXX
2007 - Barrage
2008 - Soul
2008 - Phillies
As you can see, we're not all that bad. You can yell at me for including lacrosse and soccer, but they are professional teams. And I did check on the A's and the Warriors, they were here in Philly those years. It's a shame we can't get more championships, like those idiots 3 hours north east of here, but you take what you can.
C. D.
But, as I sit here typing this, I can't help but think about all the past teams that have one championships in our great city. All the professional teams that have brought it all home. So, with that being said, I present to you all the professional sports championships that were brought home to Philadelphia. Feel free to thank me later.
1910 - Athletics
1911 - Athletics
1913 - Athletics
1926 - Yellow Jackets
1929 - Athletics
1930 - Athletics
1948 - Eagles
1949 - Eagles
1956 - Warriors
1960 - Eagles
1967 - 76ers
1974 - Flyers
1975 - Flyers
1980 - Phillies
1983 - 76ers
1984 - Stars (USFL)
1985 - Stars (USFL)
1989 - Wings
1990 - Wings
1994 - Wings
1995 - Wings
1998 - Wings
2001 - Wings
2002 - KiXX
2004 - Barrage
2006- Barrage
2007- KiXX
2007 - Barrage
2008 - Soul
2008 - Phillies
As you can see, we're not all that bad. You can yell at me for including lacrosse and soccer, but they are professional teams. And I did check on the A's and the Warriors, they were here in Philly those years. It's a shame we can't get more championships, like those idiots 3 hours north east of here, but you take what you can.
C. D.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Damn Phillies!
All right, so there's been a problem with the Phillies. Obviously, they lost the NLCS this year. Sure, they left the bases loaded with only 1 out. Sure, they couldn't make 2 exhausted pitchers (Bumgarner, then Lincecum) work harder than they needed to. And, sure, Chooch hit into a devastating double play with 2 men on and 1 out. But, what really killed the Phils this season, was the lack of hitting, and namely the strike-outs. Thinking about this last night, and most of the day at work, I've come up with a pretty good solution.
What the management needs to do, in order to get these guys to start hitting, or at the very least swinging, is that for every backwards K that gets tossed up, the player that goes down looking gets fined $1000, 1 K, during the regular season. If it happens during the NLDS, it's $5000. NLCS? $10,000. And the World Series? Jack it up to $50,000.
The reason I'm specifically picking the non-swinging strike-out is how the game ended last night. Howard had a pitch come across the plate just above the knees. It's a 3-2 count, 2 outs, 2 men on, bottom of the 9th, and you're losing by a run. Why wouldn't you swing at that pitch?
Now, your asking what to do with the money. Honestly, I don't care. Reinvest in the team, so you can lower ticket prices. Donate it all to a needy family or charity. Hold a raffle. Give it to a politician. Give it all to the player who has the least called-out-lookings. I really don't care. They need to do something about the Phillies not making contact. This seems as good a solution as any.
C. D.
What the management needs to do, in order to get these guys to start hitting, or at the very least swinging, is that for every backwards K that gets tossed up, the player that goes down looking gets fined $1000, 1 K, during the regular season. If it happens during the NLDS, it's $5000. NLCS? $10,000. And the World Series? Jack it up to $50,000.
The reason I'm specifically picking the non-swinging strike-out is how the game ended last night. Howard had a pitch come across the plate just above the knees. It's a 3-2 count, 2 outs, 2 men on, bottom of the 9th, and you're losing by a run. Why wouldn't you swing at that pitch?
Now, your asking what to do with the money. Honestly, I don't care. Reinvest in the team, so you can lower ticket prices. Donate it all to a needy family or charity. Hold a raffle. Give it to a politician. Give it all to the player who has the least called-out-lookings. I really don't care. They need to do something about the Phillies not making contact. This seems as good a solution as any.
C. D.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Oh, My
So, yeah. Oh my god. Where the hell have I been? I guess, now, I'm forced to tell you!
Well, it goes a little like this: I switched jobs. Yes, Panera really wasn't working out. I was working the oddest shift (noon until 10). I know. I said earlier that I really like that shift, but it was getting old, really fast. So, I went with a company that offered me a better deal: TD Bank. And, here's my daily schedule: wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, go to sleep. There's some intermittent changes in there. But, for the most part, it's a lot of working.
Well, I was going to watch some 24 on my Netflix (I'm currently in season 4, on episode 9), but for some reason it's not working. Just popped in Knocked Up, so I'm gone!
C.D.
Well, it goes a little like this: I switched jobs. Yes, Panera really wasn't working out. I was working the oddest shift (noon until 10). I know. I said earlier that I really like that shift, but it was getting old, really fast. So, I went with a company that offered me a better deal: TD Bank. And, here's my daily schedule: wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, go to sleep. There's some intermittent changes in there. But, for the most part, it's a lot of working.
Well, I was going to watch some 24 on my Netflix (I'm currently in season 4, on episode 9), but for some reason it's not working. Just popped in Knocked Up, so I'm gone!
C.D.
Friday, April 30, 2010
DJ Equipment, Lesson 1
So, from time to time, I will be learning valuable lessons from using my DJ equipment, whether I'm at a gig, or just screwing around with the equipment at home. I will be sharing these lessons via my blog. Today, I just learned my first lesson:
Always have back-up fuses.
Now, this may seem like it's common sense, but the amps run on fuses, which I didn't know. I was messing around, having it hooked up to my TV for when I play Rock Band or listen to music (and it's awesome. Didn't even have it at 1, and it felt like it was too loud). I got through 2 songs on Rock Band, and something blew out. I thought it was a speaker, because the one should be re-soldered. Turns out, the amp has a fuse spot that just had it blown. Time for a trip to Radio Shack!
C. D.
Always have back-up fuses.
Now, this may seem like it's common sense, but the amps run on fuses, which I didn't know. I was messing around, having it hooked up to my TV for when I play Rock Band or listen to music (and it's awesome. Didn't even have it at 1, and it felt like it was too loud). I got through 2 songs on Rock Band, and something blew out. I thought it was a speaker, because the one should be re-soldered. Turns out, the amp has a fuse spot that just had it blown. Time for a trip to Radio Shack!
C. D.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Work Related
So, I'm back home from vacation, and it was definitely a good one. We only had bad weather on one day, and we were planning on doing inside activities that day anyway (it was Sunday, if you're wondering). And it was exactly what I needed: a nice relaxing week away from everything, no need to worry about the "real world." But that kicks in tomorrow.
Oddly, even though I'm working at least the next 6 days, I'm pulling closes on 5 of them. And I'm not complaining. The closing shift is my favorite where I work. You don't have to run to the bank. There's a chance you may get out a little early, but there's no chance that you'll get sent home early, losing hours. You get other management help until an hour before the store closes, which helps me learn more from that other manager (I'm the "freshest" with the store). The funny thing is that the other managers think I'm weird for wanting to close. Honestly, I like sleep, but can't fall asleep before a certain time. My body just doesn't let me. And, when I go out to the bars or what-not for the night, the one I hit up is on my way home from work, and the "crowd" hits there around 11. We get done around 10. And probably the most important thing, I don't stress out when it comes to closing, which actually benefits me. When I stress out about something, trying not to miss something, I'm almost always guaranteed to miss something. When I'm not stressed, and I know what I'm doing, like with closes, I almost always get a perfect close out of my people. And, to add a bonus, I'm really figuring out where people like to be, even if they don't tell me, and where my crew works the best, even if it's not their personal best position.
Enough of that teary-eyed stuff, and on to a good update. Now that my shipment has come in, I'm done with high fructose corn syrup. And thank god, too. That stuff is like kerosene. It just sits in your arteries. I can do without that. However, I'm not cutting sugar completely out yet. Switching to diet sodas and Splenda just doesn't do it for me. But, with the cutting off completely of the corn syrup, it'll be a start. Ween, don't withdraw. Withdraw can only lead to bad things.
Oh, and I may have my first DJ gig. I just have to see if the one manager will switch shifts, though I don't know if that will happen.
C. D.
Oddly, even though I'm working at least the next 6 days, I'm pulling closes on 5 of them. And I'm not complaining. The closing shift is my favorite where I work. You don't have to run to the bank. There's a chance you may get out a little early, but there's no chance that you'll get sent home early, losing hours. You get other management help until an hour before the store closes, which helps me learn more from that other manager (I'm the "freshest" with the store). The funny thing is that the other managers think I'm weird for wanting to close. Honestly, I like sleep, but can't fall asleep before a certain time. My body just doesn't let me. And, when I go out to the bars or what-not for the night, the one I hit up is on my way home from work, and the "crowd" hits there around 11. We get done around 10. And probably the most important thing, I don't stress out when it comes to closing, which actually benefits me. When I stress out about something, trying not to miss something, I'm almost always guaranteed to miss something. When I'm not stressed, and I know what I'm doing, like with closes, I almost always get a perfect close out of my people. And, to add a bonus, I'm really figuring out where people like to be, even if they don't tell me, and where my crew works the best, even if it's not their personal best position.
Enough of that teary-eyed stuff, and on to a good update. Now that my shipment has come in, I'm done with high fructose corn syrup. And thank god, too. That stuff is like kerosene. It just sits in your arteries. I can do without that. However, I'm not cutting sugar completely out yet. Switching to diet sodas and Splenda just doesn't do it for me. But, with the cutting off completely of the corn syrup, it'll be a start. Ween, don't withdraw. Withdraw can only lead to bad things.
Oh, and I may have my first DJ gig. I just have to see if the one manager will switch shifts, though I don't know if that will happen.
C. D.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Preferred Airlines
So, yes, I know I'm in Florida. And, yes, I know I got here. But I had to mention this when I got here, because it just happened this morning.
I'm going to be flying Southwest for every single flight from now on. And there's a laundry list as to why:
1) Choice in picking seats. All other airlines assign you a seat, and chances are you may not like where you sit. Not with Southwest. You sit where you want.
2) Early Bird check-in. While this is an extra cost ($10 per flight), you get to choose your seat faster. The priority system for seating is based on when you check in. The earlier, the better. So if you check in at home, and print your boarding pass, you'll get to sit almost anywhere.
3) Bags fly free! The first 2 checked bags are free. The third bag is $50. Now, that does sound like a rip off, considering U.S. Scare-ways charges $20 a bag, but think about this: how many times have you had 3 checked bags? And, if you have 3 checked bags on U.S. Scare, it'll be $60 total. So, that's still cheaper.
4) Early arrival. We took off from Philly at 8:50 this morning. We were supposed to land at 11:50, like any other flight, but we landed and started off-loading at 11:30, 20 minutes early.
5) Quick bag claim. I'm talking about the arrival. After my sister and I got off the plane, we walked to baggage claim. At Regional Southwest, the walk isn't that long at all, maybe about 5 minutes. The bags were already going around the carousel. I actually grabbed the 2 bags, no more of a 10 minute wait, while my sister flagged down my mom.
Now, these are the reasons why we flew this trip, but this one is the main reason why I'll be using them from now on:
6) The staff. I had my bag randomly checked by TSA (no complaints. It took literally 45 seconds), and I had my sister save a seat for me. When I finally got back there, there was a woman who was looking to sit close to her younger daughter, so that she had someone to talk to. The only 2 relatively close to each other where an empty seat, and the seat my sister was holding for me. I volunteered to give up that seat, and sit in the back of the plane. I figured I'd get to see my sister for the next 8 days, so what's another 3 hours without her? After we landed, the flight attendant handed me 2 free drink coupons for being sweet enough to give up my seat. I told her I did it out the kindness of my heart, and didn't need them, but she insisted I take them. It that sort of customer service, along with the thought of rewarding people for good acts instead of punishing them for bad, that will keep me coming back, just as it would be with any other company.
That's my story with Southwest. Anybody got one that can top it with another airline?
C. D.
I'm going to be flying Southwest for every single flight from now on. And there's a laundry list as to why:
1) Choice in picking seats. All other airlines assign you a seat, and chances are you may not like where you sit. Not with Southwest. You sit where you want.
2) Early Bird check-in. While this is an extra cost ($10 per flight), you get to choose your seat faster. The priority system for seating is based on when you check in. The earlier, the better. So if you check in at home, and print your boarding pass, you'll get to sit almost anywhere.
3) Bags fly free! The first 2 checked bags are free. The third bag is $50. Now, that does sound like a rip off, considering U.S. Scare-ways charges $20 a bag, but think about this: how many times have you had 3 checked bags? And, if you have 3 checked bags on U.S. Scare, it'll be $60 total. So, that's still cheaper.
4) Early arrival. We took off from Philly at 8:50 this morning. We were supposed to land at 11:50, like any other flight, but we landed and started off-loading at 11:30, 20 minutes early.
5) Quick bag claim. I'm talking about the arrival. After my sister and I got off the plane, we walked to baggage claim. At Regional Southwest, the walk isn't that long at all, maybe about 5 minutes. The bags were already going around the carousel. I actually grabbed the 2 bags, no more of a 10 minute wait, while my sister flagged down my mom.
Now, these are the reasons why we flew this trip, but this one is the main reason why I'll be using them from now on:
6) The staff. I had my bag randomly checked by TSA (no complaints. It took literally 45 seconds), and I had my sister save a seat for me. When I finally got back there, there was a woman who was looking to sit close to her younger daughter, so that she had someone to talk to. The only 2 relatively close to each other where an empty seat, and the seat my sister was holding for me. I volunteered to give up that seat, and sit in the back of the plane. I figured I'd get to see my sister for the next 8 days, so what's another 3 hours without her? After we landed, the flight attendant handed me 2 free drink coupons for being sweet enough to give up my seat. I told her I did it out the kindness of my heart, and didn't need them, but she insisted I take them. It that sort of customer service, along with the thought of rewarding people for good acts instead of punishing them for bad, that will keep me coming back, just as it would be with any other company.
That's my story with Southwest. Anybody got one that can top it with another airline?
C. D.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Vacation (And How Much I Need It
Tuesday is fast approaching, and for those who don't know what that means, it's a flight to beautiful southwest Florida to visit my mama. The flight gets to Ft. Myers roughly 10 minutes to noon on that day. So, what's the big deal, other than seeing the person who gave birth to me almost 26 years ago?
It's actually pretty simple: I'm in desperate need of a vacation. I haven't really had a true vacation in YEARS. Sure, I went to Florida last June, but everything was planned. I had to wake up early for things, but for good reason. This time around, I'm going down just to relax. All though, I do have to work at 5 AM on Monday before I leave, and I have at least 8 straight days of work when I get back. But, that's a complaint for another day.
And, I'm out. Krista needs to hang out, so I'm obliging.
C.D.
It's actually pretty simple: I'm in desperate need of a vacation. I haven't really had a true vacation in YEARS. Sure, I went to Florida last June, but everything was planned. I had to wake up early for things, but for good reason. This time around, I'm going down just to relax. All though, I do have to work at 5 AM on Monday before I leave, and I have at least 8 straight days of work when I get back. But, that's a complaint for another day.
And, I'm out. Krista needs to hang out, so I'm obliging.
C.D.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Closure, Mostly
I entitled this "closure", because that's what I've been doing mostly lately. At work. Closing. That means out at 10, come home, be bored, back in at 12 or 2 or whatever. But, yeah. It's kept me busy.
On the note of working, my sister and I had a "conversation" at work on Thursday. And by "conversation", I only understood what she was saying. It was crystal clear in my head, but Erika (one of the women we work with) kept asking "you actually understood that?" And, yes, I did. However, I don't remember exactly what we were talking about, so it's not like it matters all that much.
I've also decided that, starting with my first shipment (if you want more details, I can provide), I'm going to be living a cleaner, greener lifestyle. I gave up energy drinks for Lent, mostly because of the crap that's in them (high fructose corn syrup and guarana for starters). I have found one that has none of that crap, less caffeine, and no carbs, so I'm back off the wagon. Or is it on the wagon? I can never keep that straight. Any way, I'm also getting green products, which is the current term for bio-degradable. I would have said that this started earlier, but I had a strawberry soda from WaWa today. Those things are delicious, but after the water, the first ingredient is high fructose corn syrup. It's like diesel fuel that just rots away your arteries. I'm done with that stuff.
I called out my bartender the other night for liking to get me drunk. And, as it turns out, I'm in an exclusive club of about 10 people, the ones that she really likes. I'm not complaining, as this turns into a cheaper night, but it's a brutal night when you have to nurse Molson products for 3 hours.
And, lastly, the Florida counter is at 11 days. I need to get out of the Commonwealth.
C.D.
On the note of working, my sister and I had a "conversation" at work on Thursday. And by "conversation", I only understood what she was saying. It was crystal clear in my head, but Erika (one of the women we work with) kept asking "you actually understood that?" And, yes, I did. However, I don't remember exactly what we were talking about, so it's not like it matters all that much.
I've also decided that, starting with my first shipment (if you want more details, I can provide), I'm going to be living a cleaner, greener lifestyle. I gave up energy drinks for Lent, mostly because of the crap that's in them (high fructose corn syrup and guarana for starters). I have found one that has none of that crap, less caffeine, and no carbs, so I'm back off the wagon. Or is it on the wagon? I can never keep that straight. Any way, I'm also getting green products, which is the current term for bio-degradable. I would have said that this started earlier, but I had a strawberry soda from WaWa today. Those things are delicious, but after the water, the first ingredient is high fructose corn syrup. It's like diesel fuel that just rots away your arteries. I'm done with that stuff.
I called out my bartender the other night for liking to get me drunk. And, as it turns out, I'm in an exclusive club of about 10 people, the ones that she really likes. I'm not complaining, as this turns into a cheaper night, but it's a brutal night when you have to nurse Molson products for 3 hours.
And, lastly, the Florida counter is at 11 days. I need to get out of the Commonwealth.
C.D.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
St. Patty's Day
So, I decided to post this, because it's St. Patty's Day, and I have a VERY Irish name (for those who don't know, my middle name is Patrick. Most of you know the rest.)
I stopped at my local watering hole, and it was swamped. All I wanted was my obligatory Irish car bomb of the year (this all started 4 years ago, my first St. Patty's Day of being of legal drinking age.). My hunches, as brought up last week, have been confirmed: my bartender actually enjoys trying to get me drunk. Let me elaborate.
Last Thursday, I was there, with my buddy Dane, for trivia. She was working. I really couldn't decide on what my next beer was going to be, so I asked her to pick for me. She chose Molson XXX. For those who don't know, it's got over 9% alcohol. She told me that it had nothing to do with the alcohol content. When I asked her what shots we were taking, she poured my not-so-best-friend Jim Beam. Yes, she went straight for the whiskey. And on top of that, she picked up the price.
Fast forward to tonight, and you can understand why my hunch was confirmed. I got that aforementioned car bomb, and she came over with a full pint of Guinness. Now, for those who don't know, an Irish car bomb is a 1/2 a pint of Guinness, usually a little bit more than the height of a shot glass, and you drop in a nearly full shot glass of equal parts Bailey's Irish cream and Jamison whiskey. The shot glass, which was mostly Jamison, was over-filled. Yes, I was dripped liquor on the bar before I dropped my shot in the drink. And what was supposed to be a 5 minute stopped, turned into a 20 minute adventure as I left my stomach settle before I dropped the shot. Oh, and did I mention that she made me chug some of the beer before she gave me the shot? This, my friends, is why I go to this place. They take care of people they like. Or they don't like me, and they're actually trying to kill me. But we'll see on that one. Probably tomorrow.
C. D.
I stopped at my local watering hole, and it was swamped. All I wanted was my obligatory Irish car bomb of the year (this all started 4 years ago, my first St. Patty's Day of being of legal drinking age.). My hunches, as brought up last week, have been confirmed: my bartender actually enjoys trying to get me drunk. Let me elaborate.
Last Thursday, I was there, with my buddy Dane, for trivia. She was working. I really couldn't decide on what my next beer was going to be, so I asked her to pick for me. She chose Molson XXX. For those who don't know, it's got over 9% alcohol. She told me that it had nothing to do with the alcohol content. When I asked her what shots we were taking, she poured my not-so-best-friend Jim Beam. Yes, she went straight for the whiskey. And on top of that, she picked up the price.
Fast forward to tonight, and you can understand why my hunch was confirmed. I got that aforementioned car bomb, and she came over with a full pint of Guinness. Now, for those who don't know, an Irish car bomb is a 1/2 a pint of Guinness, usually a little bit more than the height of a shot glass, and you drop in a nearly full shot glass of equal parts Bailey's Irish cream and Jamison whiskey. The shot glass, which was mostly Jamison, was over-filled. Yes, I was dripped liquor on the bar before I dropped my shot in the drink. And what was supposed to be a 5 minute stopped, turned into a 20 minute adventure as I left my stomach settle before I dropped the shot. Oh, and did I mention that she made me chug some of the beer before she gave me the shot? This, my friends, is why I go to this place. They take care of people they like. Or they don't like me, and they're actually trying to kill me. But we'll see on that one. Probably tomorrow.
C. D.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
The Top 5 Most Perverted Artists (You Didn't Think Of)
So, I was driving around in my car, aimlessly wandering from Audubon, to Pottstown, to Reading, and back to Pottstown, listening to copious amounts of music, courtesy of my Zune. Various songs came on (Give It To Me Baby by Rick James, A Little Less Conversation by Elvis, and so on), and a few hit me like a ton of bricks: some of these artists are just plain perverted. The 2 that I just mentioned, you pretty much expect. However, there are a few that you wouldn't, such as...
5) The Police
Yes, I know that Sting has mentioned numerous times about his 10 hour stints for tantric sex, which is why the Police is no higher than 5. But the Police iteration I'm mentioning is before this happened. Let's take a look at some of the lyrics from some very popular Police songs:
Directly from the chorus for Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic:
Everything she does just turns me on.OK, so I get the whole seductive dancing thing, but does it turn you on that she's picking her nose? Or how about when she gets the flu and there's liquid coming out of every orifice? I understand fetishes, but that's just downright dirty. But, wait, it gets worse:
Every single day and every word you sayThat would be the second verse of Every Breath You Take. At least with his voyeurism fetish, it's getting somewhat normal. But that doesn't make it any less illegal, Gordon! Oh, no. I'm on to you.
Every game you play
Every night you stay, I'll be watching you
4) Foo Fighters
I love this band. I truly do. I was upset when Dave Grohl said that they were done with music, and you can understand that I was overjoyed to hear that they basically said "just kidding" and came back. But when it comes to perversion, Dave Grohl probably writes it as one of the best:
The only thing I'll ever ask of youReally, Dave? Drummer from Nirvana, she sang that to you? Sounds like something that an incurably mentally ill rapist says to attempt to get out of, well, a rape charge. Something along the lines of "Officer, I would have stopped, but she told me before we started that, if she were to say stop, that I wouldn't, not until I was done."
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang
3) Led Zeppelin
So, as I've mentioned in a previous post, this band has grown on me. This has given me to foresight to notice, for better or worse, that half of their songs are based on Tolkien's Lord of the Rings. And, yes, that song is on Led Zeppelin II. But, the other half? Not as innocent:
You need coolin', baby, I'm not foolin',Oh, Mr. Plant. Why must you be so subtle? First verse of Whole Lotta Love says it all. No, wait, the damn title does. Did I even need to put the lyrics up? Such as with the Police, it does get worse:
I'm gonna send you back to schoolin',
Way down inside honey, you need it,
I'm gonna give you my love,
I'm gonna give you my love.
You'll be my only, my one and only. Is that the way it should start?So you CAN go a little more subtle. But even a retarded monkey can pickup on the fact that you're telling a girl that she's your love of a lifetime so that you can get her drunk and get into her pants. Bravo, Robert. Bravo.
Crazy ways are evident, In the way that you're wearing your clothes
Sippin' booze is precedent as the evening starts to glow.
2) The Beatles
The only reason I'm saying the Beatles here as a whole, and not just John Lennon, is because everything was a group decision, at least in the early years. But, let's take a look at some John lyrics, and get this party rolling:
Love you ev'ry day girl,Keeping in mind that I Wanna Hold Your Hand came out not that long before, this one seems innocent enough, but that's what Lennon was going for. He's wishing there's an extra day in the week, so he can love you more. And by "love you more", I'm talking about the kind where he humps your leg and gets some goo in your hair. Yeah, like that. But, it gets a little worse:
Always on my mind.
One thing I can say girl,
Love you all the time.
Hold me, love me, hold me, love me.
I ain't got nothin' but love girl,
Eight days a week
I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me...This song, as claimed by John, is about an affair he had while still married to the mother of his child. But, really? That detailed in the beginning of the song? Christ, at least leave a little to the imagination.
She showed me her room, isn't it good Norwegian wood?
BONUS: Did I mention that this was all about John? Well, Paul's just as guilty:
Well, she was just 17,That's not only dirty and incredibly stalkeresque, and just downright illegal where I come from. Don't believe me? Paul was 21 when he wrote this. Something about underage girls just drove him wild.
You know what I mean,
And the way she looked was way beyond compare.
So how could I dance with another (ooh)
When I saw her standin' there.
EDIT: It's been brought to my attention that age of consent laws, on average for the United States, are right around 16 years of age, including the grand old Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, so what Paul's singing about isn't actually illegal. However, I still stand by the "eww" factor of this.
1) Dave Matthews
He's one of the greatest songwriters of the 1990's and today. He's also one of the creepiest.
Don't believe me? Read on:
Oh and you come crashWhere to begin? I'm not even going to touch the Peeping Tom aspect of this song, as he's staring at a completely nude woman through a window (how many times have I mentioned "illegal" in this article already). No, I'm going right to the other part. You want a girl to make your childhood fantasies come true by showing you her what I call the worst euphemism for the female sex organ. Your world? You're a great song writer, do better! Oh wait, he did, on the same damn album:
Into me, baby
And I come into you
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show the world to me
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show your world to me
In a boys dream.. In a boys dream
Oh I watch you there
Through the window
And I stare at you
You wear nothing but you
Wear it so well
Tied up and twisted
The way I'd like to be
For you, for me, come crash
Into me
Straight in, suck up and go,A bit of a stretch, you say? Not so fast. The way I read these lyrics, it's him talking to himself about giving to the $20 hooker that his older and "wiser" friend got him for his 18th birthday. Because nothing says "welcome to manhood" like a lifetime of penicillin. Seriously, try reading the lyrics now that you're in on that point of view. Sick, huh?
Cool it, swallow, swallow
Breathe deep, take it all
It comes cheap
Push it through the doors
Because in between the lines
I'm gonna pack more lines
So I can get in
Ooh traffic jam got more cars
Than a beach got sand
Suck it up, suck it up, suck it up,
Fill it up until no more
I'm no crazy creep, I've got it coming
To me because I'm not satisfied
The hunger keeps on growing
I eat too much
I drink too much
I want too much
Too much
So there you have it. Now that I've successfully presented a case for all of these artists to be on the flip side of what you thought, do me a favor: go and try to listen to these songs the same way you always have.
C. D.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
And The DJ Is In Business, Literally!
Good evening, kids!
I just wanted to let you all know that, should Josh pick his phone up tomorrow, my DJ equipment will finally be in my possession. I can start kicking the grooves at a party near you for a small, nominal fee. I can't promise anything but a good time. I take requests. I, however, will need a few weeks notice to pull anything off. If you're having a party, and want to have music but want to have the freedom to roam around your domicile, give me a chance. I promise, again, that I will provide a great time!
So, there's my business plug for the evening/week/month/whatever. I'm sure you'll see a bunch of them.
Anyway, I just received conformation that I'm pretty much going to have off for the wedding I'm going to on May 1st. Boaz, get ready for a wild time. You too, Krista. This is going to be a very interesting trip, as these 2 are 2 of my closest friends, and they will be meeting each other for the first time. And don't think I'm leaving you out, Angie and Clay. I know this is your wedding, but you guys are going to be very busy. You'll just have to hang out with us when you can.
Until next time,
C. D.
I just wanted to let you all know that, should Josh pick his phone up tomorrow, my DJ equipment will finally be in my possession. I can start kicking the grooves at a party near you for a small, nominal fee. I can't promise anything but a good time. I take requests. I, however, will need a few weeks notice to pull anything off. If you're having a party, and want to have music but want to have the freedom to roam around your domicile, give me a chance. I promise, again, that I will provide a great time!
So, there's my business plug for the evening/week/month/whatever. I'm sure you'll see a bunch of them.
Anyway, I just received conformation that I'm pretty much going to have off for the wedding I'm going to on May 1st. Boaz, get ready for a wild time. You too, Krista. This is going to be a very interesting trip, as these 2 are 2 of my closest friends, and they will be meeting each other for the first time. And don't think I'm leaving you out, Angie and Clay. I know this is your wedding, but you guys are going to be very busy. You'll just have to hang out with us when you can.
Until next time,
C. D.
Monday, March 8, 2010
The Beatles!
OK, so it's another episode of my life. This entry is about my Beatles albums.
When I was younger, I didn't have quite the same musical tastes I do now. It was basically just what they played on Y100. Not much variety. But, thanks to my parents, and quite possibly divine intervention, I've learned better music (not that Y100 wasn't good). I've really gotten into older bands, such as Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, and The Beatles. And, as all The Fab Four's albums have been digitally remastered, I am currently on a quest to not only pick up those, but the compilation albums that, apparently, Apple doesn't really care about. I give to you, the list (the ones I own are in red):
Studio Albums (Remastered Ones)
Please Please Me (1963)
With The Beatles (1963)
A Hard Day's Night (1964)
Beatles For Sale (1964)
Help! (1965)
Rubber Soul (1965)
Revolver (1966)
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1967)
Magical Mystery Tour (1967)
The White Album (1968)
Yellow Submarine (1969)
Abbey Road (1969)
Let It Be (1970)
Compilations (Just the ones I want)
Hey Jude (1970)
1962-1966 (1973)
1967-1970 (1973)
Rock 'n' Roll Music (1976)
Anthology 1 (1995)
Anthology 2 (1996)
Anthology 3 (1996)
1 (2000)
Let It Be... Naked (2003)
I know, it's a big undertaking. I'm hoping to get some of these as gifts to help out with the collection hunting. I'll be updating this as I get them, but I won't be re-posting. That's just too much work.
C. D.
When I was younger, I didn't have quite the same musical tastes I do now. It was basically just what they played on Y100. Not much variety. But, thanks to my parents, and quite possibly divine intervention, I've learned better music (not that Y100 wasn't good). I've really gotten into older bands, such as Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, and The Beatles. And, as all The Fab Four's albums have been digitally remastered, I am currently on a quest to not only pick up those, but the compilation albums that, apparently, Apple doesn't really care about. I give to you, the list (the ones I own are in red):
Studio Albums (Remastered Ones)
Please Please Me (1963)
With The Beatles (1963)
A Hard Day's Night (1964)
Beatles For Sale (1964)
Help! (1965)
Rubber Soul (1965)
Revolver (1966)
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1967)
Magical Mystery Tour (1967)
The White Album (1968)
Yellow Submarine (1969)
Abbey Road (1969)
Let It Be (1970)
Compilations (Just the ones I want)
Hey Jude (1970)
1962-1966 (1973)
1967-1970 (1973)
Rock 'n' Roll Music (1976)
Anthology 1 (1995)
Anthology 2 (1996)
Anthology 3 (1996)
1 (2000)
Let It Be... Naked (2003)
I know, it's a big undertaking. I'm hoping to get some of these as gifts to help out with the collection hunting. I'll be updating this as I get them, but I won't be re-posting. That's just too much work.
C. D.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Google Wave
So, I got bored today (as you can see, 3 posts in one day. Oh my freaking gawd!)
Anyway, I was going through my different websites, and hit up College Humor. And I came across this video. So, I decided to search Google Wave in, what else, Google. I came across the website for the information on Google Wave, to which this video came up. (WARNING: It is nearly 90 minutes long.) Now there are some great features of this that I LOVE right off the bat, from what I've seen so far:
1) Instant Messaging. Now, when someone mentions instant messaging, you immediately think something like AIM or Yahoo! messenger. This is quite an advance. You get to see what the other person is typing as they are typing it. I don't think that was loud enough. You get to see what the other person is typing AS THEY ARE TYPING IT!!!! There, that's better. You know how in a normal real life conversation you can hear people say what they're saying without waiting for them to hit enter, send or done? This basically is the same thing, except with type, so that you can answer before you get the full question. Come to think of it, that brings it to a new level of internet douche-baggery, but, so far, it's only for people whom you chose to be a douche bag to. Speaking of,
2) Multiple users. Now, this is nothing new, which you can tell for those of you who use Gmail. You get conversations, and it tells you how many people are involved. The problem with this is that you either have to have everyone on board in the beginning, or you have to forward the entire conversation to that person to get them on board. No longer. You can just drag a person into a Wave, and they can hit Playback, saving you the 30 seconds to bring them back into the conversation.
3) Embedding. So, you've got your Wave set up. Sweet. You can show more than your 3 best friends, who are all in the Wave, that you just called Jose Canseco a juiced up bastard that doesn't deserve to be in the Hall of Fame (which is so true, by the way). Fear not. You can embed the Wave into a website, even a blog. This makes it pretty sweet to have a private conversation that 6 billion people can read.
4) Editing. So, let's go back here. Editing? That's right. If you were drunk, and you "accidentally" cursed out your spouse on a Wave that everyone is on, you can go back and delete it so that nobody can read it. Better yet, just change it so that you can talk about how much you love them. Can't get any better? What if someone just said "Hey Dan. You're a giant tool!" Well, you can go back and edit it to say "Hey Dan. You have a giant tool!" The only drawback to that is it will show you whoever wrote or edited that point, so if someone wanted to press playback, they'd see that you changed it, killing your already minimal credibility.
5) Documents. Remember those old days when you were in college 3 years ago, and you needed to type a paper for a group paper, but everyone's schedule sucked, so you were in the library until midnight the night before it's due trying to get it done? Well, you can still do that, for those of you that are glutton's for punishment. However, if you just want to be able to write the paper, and not actually have any human contact, you can all write the paper together in Wave. You can all write your part of the paper, and never have to get together to put it all together. No risk of program clashing.
It was at this point, I decided that I was done watching the video (about 38 minutes in). I like what I saw, and I have signed up to use it, however that doesn't guarantee I will until the actual launch of the non-Beta.
However, a quick hop over to the Wikipedia page set up for Wave, and you get this:
That being said, I'm jumping off here before one comes through my front door and kills me in my sleep.
C.D.
Anyway, I was going through my different websites, and hit up College Humor. And I came across this video. So, I decided to search Google Wave in, what else, Google. I came across the website for the information on Google Wave, to which this video came up. (WARNING: It is nearly 90 minutes long.) Now there are some great features of this that I LOVE right off the bat, from what I've seen so far:
1) Instant Messaging. Now, when someone mentions instant messaging, you immediately think something like AIM or Yahoo! messenger. This is quite an advance. You get to see what the other person is typing as they are typing it. I don't think that was loud enough. You get to see what the other person is typing AS THEY ARE TYPING IT!!!! There, that's better. You know how in a normal real life conversation you can hear people say what they're saying without waiting for them to hit enter, send or done? This basically is the same thing, except with type, so that you can answer before you get the full question. Come to think of it, that brings it to a new level of internet douche-baggery, but, so far, it's only for people whom you chose to be a douche bag to. Speaking of,
2) Multiple users. Now, this is nothing new, which you can tell for those of you who use Gmail. You get conversations, and it tells you how many people are involved. The problem with this is that you either have to have everyone on board in the beginning, or you have to forward the entire conversation to that person to get them on board. No longer. You can just drag a person into a Wave, and they can hit Playback, saving you the 30 seconds to bring them back into the conversation.
3) Embedding. So, you've got your Wave set up. Sweet. You can show more than your 3 best friends, who are all in the Wave, that you just called Jose Canseco a juiced up bastard that doesn't deserve to be in the Hall of Fame (which is so true, by the way). Fear not. You can embed the Wave into a website, even a blog. This makes it pretty sweet to have a private conversation that 6 billion people can read.
4) Editing. So, let's go back here. Editing? That's right. If you were drunk, and you "accidentally" cursed out your spouse on a Wave that everyone is on, you can go back and delete it so that nobody can read it. Better yet, just change it so that you can talk about how much you love them. Can't get any better? What if someone just said "Hey Dan. You're a giant tool!" Well, you can go back and edit it to say "Hey Dan. You have a giant tool!" The only drawback to that is it will show you whoever wrote or edited that point, so if someone wanted to press playback, they'd see that you changed it, killing your already minimal credibility.
5) Documents. Remember those old days when you were in college 3 years ago, and you needed to type a paper for a group paper, but everyone's schedule sucked, so you were in the library until midnight the night before it's due trying to get it done? Well, you can still do that, for those of you that are glutton's for punishment. However, if you just want to be able to write the paper, and not actually have any human contact, you can all write the paper together in Wave. You can all write your part of the paper, and never have to get together to put it all together. No risk of program clashing.
It was at this point, I decided that I was done watching the video (about 38 minutes in). I like what I saw, and I have signed up to use it, however that doesn't guarantee I will until the actual launch of the non-Beta.
However, a quick hop over to the Wikipedia page set up for Wave, and you get this:
If you didn't read the section about Robots, read it again. This is the beginning of robots being self-aware and taking over the world. HAS NO ONE HEADED THE WARNINGS THAT HAVE BEEN PUT TO THE CONSUMER SINCE TERMINATOR CAME OUT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!Google wave Extensions are mainly of 2 types:
- Gadgets : A gadget is an application users can participate with, many of which are built on Google’s OpenSocial platform. A good comparison would be iGoogle gadgets or Facebook applications.
- Robots : Robots are automated participants within a wave. They can talk with users and interact with waves. They can provide information from outside sources (i.e. Twitter, stock quotes, etc.). The latest version of robots API is 2.0.
That being said, I'm jumping off here before one comes through my front door and kills me in my sleep.
C.D.
The (Lack of a) Love Life
Yep, that's right. We're diving in, head first, into one of the biggest issues that's plagued me throughout my I-like-girls days. So, where do I start?
Let's start with my "type". I don't really have one. I do prefer girls that are younger than I (legal, however. Anything younger is just... Gross.). I also prefer girls of Italian descent. Other than that, I'm not too picky. However, none of the girls that I have officially dated (meaning had titles) have fit more than one of the criteria, which would be the age thing. Want the list? Here it goes, and how long I dated them for:
Shannon, 36 hours
Caitlyn, 3 months
Angela, 3 months
And that's it. No more than 3, a total of 6 months and change of relationship there. The worst part? Shannon's married and Caitlyn's engaged. That's right. 2 of my ex's, both of which are younger than me, are both settled down, for the most part. What does this to for me? Depresses me, if you must ask. Not too bad, however. And one of those break-ups is the only regret in my life.
With all three, the start of the relationship was my choice, but not really. With Shannon, we just hung out a lot, and it led to the titles. I broke that one off for selfish reasons, and I'm pretty sure she knows that (I have apologized to her for it.). With Caitlyn, it was by complete accident. The day I met her, I didn't even talk to her until way late in the night, and ended up falling asleep in the same bed as her (nothing happened, at all.) A few weeks passed, and we decided to drop titles on the relationship. With Angela, she made all the moves on me. I don't complain about it. But that whole relationship was driven by her.
So why has my love life panned out this way? Because of my approach to it. Everyone has an approach, whether they choose to put it out there or not. Here's mine: I pick a girl that seems to have interest, but actually doesn't, or at least I think she doesn't. Then, instead of making a move, I just decide to talk my way out of making an approach, thus missing out on any chance of dating, well, anyone.
Yeah, my love life sucks. I'll find someone, but just wanted to get that off my chest.
C.D.
Let's start with my "type". I don't really have one. I do prefer girls that are younger than I (legal, however. Anything younger is just... Gross.). I also prefer girls of Italian descent. Other than that, I'm not too picky. However, none of the girls that I have officially dated (meaning had titles) have fit more than one of the criteria, which would be the age thing. Want the list? Here it goes, and how long I dated them for:
Shannon, 36 hours
Caitlyn, 3 months
Angela, 3 months
And that's it. No more than 3, a total of 6 months and change of relationship there. The worst part? Shannon's married and Caitlyn's engaged. That's right. 2 of my ex's, both of which are younger than me, are both settled down, for the most part. What does this to for me? Depresses me, if you must ask. Not too bad, however. And one of those break-ups is the only regret in my life.
With all three, the start of the relationship was my choice, but not really. With Shannon, we just hung out a lot, and it led to the titles. I broke that one off for selfish reasons, and I'm pretty sure she knows that (I have apologized to her for it.). With Caitlyn, it was by complete accident. The day I met her, I didn't even talk to her until way late in the night, and ended up falling asleep in the same bed as her (nothing happened, at all.) A few weeks passed, and we decided to drop titles on the relationship. With Angela, she made all the moves on me. I don't complain about it. But that whole relationship was driven by her.
So why has my love life panned out this way? Because of my approach to it. Everyone has an approach, whether they choose to put it out there or not. Here's mine: I pick a girl that seems to have interest, but actually doesn't, or at least I think she doesn't. Then, instead of making a move, I just decide to talk my way out of making an approach, thus missing out on any chance of dating, well, anyone.
Yeah, my love life sucks. I'll find someone, but just wanted to get that off my chest.
C.D.
First Blog (But Not Really)
Hello all.
For those of you who have followed me around the internet since 1998 when I created my first web site, I welcome you back to my game. For those of you who have found me for the first time, I welcome you to an adventure, and this is going to be one whacked out ride. We'll laugh, we'll cry. Hell, we may even get drunk (if you create this into a drinking game, you are my new best friend!).
First things first, I just want to get this out of the way: the reason I'm starting this here is because my website, which was basically just a blog with other pages, was taken from me months ago, and I didn't realize it until this weekend when I tried to update it. So, suck it Microsoft! You can't stop me! Anyway, as for the intent of this page, I'm just writing my thoughts down. Do I want it to be a money generator? That would be nice, but not the intent. Do I want to get famous? Again, that would be nice, but not the intent. No. What I want to do is, as I've stated before, just share my thoughts with the world. There are many people out there that feel the same. Let's see if I can't get a few readers that are those people.
Well, I'm off for now. I should get another update tonight. I'm going to do this when I'm bored, and seeing how my work schedule keeps me off work during the worst times (a.k.a.: weekdays, so I'm bored), you'll be seeing a good number of posts, I hope.
C.D.
For those of you who have followed me around the internet since 1998 when I created my first web site, I welcome you back to my game. For those of you who have found me for the first time, I welcome you to an adventure, and this is going to be one whacked out ride. We'll laugh, we'll cry. Hell, we may even get drunk (if you create this into a drinking game, you are my new best friend!).
First things first, I just want to get this out of the way: the reason I'm starting this here is because my website, which was basically just a blog with other pages, was taken from me months ago, and I didn't realize it until this weekend when I tried to update it. So, suck it Microsoft! You can't stop me! Anyway, as for the intent of this page, I'm just writing my thoughts down. Do I want it to be a money generator? That would be nice, but not the intent. Do I want to get famous? Again, that would be nice, but not the intent. No. What I want to do is, as I've stated before, just share my thoughts with the world. There are many people out there that feel the same. Let's see if I can't get a few readers that are those people.
Well, I'm off for now. I should get another update tonight. I'm going to do this when I'm bored, and seeing how my work schedule keeps me off work during the worst times (a.k.a.: weekdays, so I'm bored), you'll be seeing a good number of posts, I hope.
C.D.
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