Closure, Mostly

I entitled this "closure", because that's what I've been doing mostly lately. At work. Closing. That means out at 10, come home, be bored, back in at 12 or 2 or whatever. But, yeah. It's kept me busy.

On the note of working, my sister and I had a "conversation" at work on Thursday. And by "conversation", I only understood what she was saying. It was crystal clear in my head, but Erika (one of the women we work with) kept asking "you actually understood that?" And, yes, I did. However, I don't remember exactly what we were talking about, so it's not like it matters all that much.

I've also decided that, starting with my first shipment (if you want more details, I can provide), I'm going to be living a cleaner, greener lifestyle. I gave up energy drinks for Lent, mostly because of the crap that's in them (high fructose corn syrup and guarana for starters). I have found one that has none of that crap, less caffeine, and no carbs, so I'm back off the wagon. Or is it on the wagon? I can never keep that straight. Any way, I'm also getting green products, which is the current term for bio-degradable. I would have said that this started earlier, but I had a strawberry soda from WaWa today. Those things are delicious, but after the water, the first ingredient is high fructose corn syrup. It's like diesel fuel that just rots away your arteries. I'm done with that stuff.

I called out my bartender the other night for liking to get me drunk. And, as it turns out, I'm in an exclusive club of about 10 people, the ones that she really likes. I'm not complaining, as this turns into a cheaper night, but it's a brutal night when you have to nurse Molson products for 3 hours.

And, lastly, the Florida counter is at 11 days. I need to get out of the Commonwealth.

C.D.

St. Patty's Day

So, I decided to post this, because it's St. Patty's Day, and I have a VERY Irish name (for those who don't know, my middle name is Patrick. Most of you know the rest.)

I stopped at my local watering hole, and it was swamped. All I wanted was my obligatory Irish car bomb of the year (this all started 4 years ago, my first St. Patty's Day of being of legal drinking age.). My hunches, as brought up last week, have been confirmed: my bartender actually enjoys trying to get me drunk. Let me elaborate.

Last Thursday, I was there, with my buddy Dane, for trivia. She was working. I really couldn't decide on what my next beer was going to be, so I asked her to pick for me. She chose Molson XXX. For those who don't know, it's got over 9% alcohol. She told me that it had nothing to do with the alcohol content. When I asked her what shots we were taking, she poured my not-so-best-friend Jim Beam. Yes, she went straight for the whiskey. And on top of that, she picked up the price.

Fast forward to tonight, and you can understand why my hunch was confirmed. I got that aforementioned car bomb, and she came over with a full pint of Guinness. Now, for those who don't know, an Irish car bomb is a 1/2 a pint of Guinness, usually a little bit more than the height of a shot glass, and you drop in a nearly full shot glass of equal parts Bailey's Irish cream and Jamison whiskey. The shot glass, which was mostly Jamison, was over-filled. Yes, I was dripped liquor on the bar before I dropped my shot in the drink. And what was supposed to be a 5 minute stopped, turned into a 20 minute adventure as I left my stomach settle before I dropped the shot. Oh, and did I mention that she made me chug some of the beer before she gave me the shot? This, my friends, is why I go to this place. They take care of people they like. Or they don't like me, and they're actually trying to kill me. But we'll see on that one. Probably tomorrow.

C. D.

The Top 5 Most Perverted Artists (You Didn't Think Of)

So, I was driving around in my car, aimlessly wandering from Audubon, to Pottstown, to Reading, and back to Pottstown, listening to copious amounts of music, courtesy of my Zune. Various songs came on (Give It To Me Baby by Rick James, A Little Less Conversation by Elvis, and so on), and a few hit me like a ton of bricks: some of these artists are just plain perverted. The 2 that I just mentioned, you pretty much expect. However, there are a few that you wouldn't, such as...

5) The Police

Yes, I know that Sting has mentioned numerous times about his 10 hour stints for tantric sex, which is why the Police is no higher than 5. But the Police iteration I'm mentioning is before this happened. Let's take a look at some of the lyrics from some very popular Police songs:

Directly from the chorus for Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic:

Everything she does just turns me on.

OK, so I get the whole seductive dancing thing, but does it turn you on that she's picking her nose? Or how about when she gets the flu and there's liquid coming out of every orifice? I understand fetishes, but that's just downright dirty. But, wait, it gets worse:

Every single day and every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay, I'll be watching you

That would be the second verse of Every Breath You Take. At least with his voyeurism fetish, it's getting somewhat normal. But that doesn't make it any less illegal, Gordon! Oh, no. I'm on to you.

4) Foo Fighters

I love this band. I truly do. I was upset when Dave Grohl said that they were done with music, and you can understand that I was overjoyed to hear that they basically said "just kidding" and came back. But when it comes to perversion, Dave Grohl probably writes it as one of the best:

The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang

Really, Dave? Drummer from Nirvana, she sang that to you? Sounds like something that an incurably mentally ill rapist says to attempt to get out of, well, a rape charge. Something along the lines of "Officer, I would have stopped, but she told me before we started that, if she were to say stop, that I wouldn't, not until I was done."

3) Led Zeppelin

So, as I've mentioned in a previous post, this band has grown on me. This has given me to foresight to notice, for better or worse, that half of their songs are based on Tolkien's Lord of the Rings. And, yes, that song is on Led Zeppelin II. But, the other half? Not as innocent:

You need coolin', baby, I'm not foolin',
I'm gonna send you back to schoolin',
Way down inside honey, you need it,
I'm gonna give you my love,
I'm gonna give you my love.

Oh, Mr. Plant. Why must you be so subtle? First verse of Whole Lotta Love says it all. No, wait, the damn title does. Did I even need to put the lyrics up? Such as with the Police, it does get worse:

You'll be my only, my one and only. Is that the way it should start?
Crazy ways are evident, In the way that you're wearing your clothes
Sippin' booze is precedent as the evening starts to glow.

So you CAN go a little more subtle. But even a retarded monkey can pickup on the fact that you're telling a girl that she's your love of a lifetime so that you can get her drunk and get into her pants. Bravo, Robert. Bravo.

2) The Beatles

The only reason I'm saying the Beatles here as a whole, and not just John Lennon, is because everything was a group decision, at least in the early years. But, let's take a look at some John lyrics, and get this party rolling:

Love you ev'ry day girl,
Always on my mind.
One thing I can say girl,
Love you all the time.
Hold me, love me, hold me, love me.
I ain't got nothin' but love girl,
Eight days a week

Keeping in mind that I Wanna Hold Your Hand came out not that long before, this one seems innocent enough, but that's what Lennon was going for. He's wishing there's an extra day in the week, so he can love you more. And by "love you more", I'm talking about the kind where he humps your leg and gets some goo in your hair. Yeah, like that. But, it gets a little worse:

I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me...
She showed me her room, isn't it good Norwegian wood?

This song, as claimed by John, is about an affair he had while still married to the mother of his child. But, really? That detailed in the beginning of the song? Christ, at least leave a little to the imagination.

BONUS: Did I mention that this was all about John? Well, Paul's just as guilty:

Well, she was just 17,
You know what I mean,
And the way she looked was way beyond compare.
So how could I dance with another (ooh)
When I saw her standin' there.

That's not only dirty and incredibly stalkeresque, and just downright illegal where I come from. Don't believe me? Paul was 21 when he wrote this. Something about underage girls just drove him wild.

EDIT: It's been brought to my attention that age of consent laws, on average for the United States, are right around 16 years of age, including the grand old Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, so what Paul's singing about isn't actually illegal. However, I still stand by the "eww" factor of this.

1) Dave Matthews

He's one of the greatest songwriters of the 1990's and today. He's also one of the creepiest.

Don't believe me? Read on:

Oh and you come crash
Into me, baby
And I come into you
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show the world to me
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show your world to me
In a boys dream.. In a boys dream
Oh I watch you there
Through the window
And I stare at you
You wear nothing but you
Wear it so well
Tied up and twisted
The way I'd like to be
For you, for me, come crash
Into me

Where to begin? I'm not even going to touch the Peeping Tom aspect of this song, as he's staring at a completely nude woman through a window (how many times have I mentioned "illegal" in this article already). No, I'm going right to the other part. You want a girl to make your childhood fantasies come true by showing you her what I call the worst euphemism for the female sex organ. Your world? You're a great song writer, do better! Oh wait, he did, on the same damn album:

Straight in, suck up and go,
Cool it, swallow, swallow
Breathe deep, take it all
It comes cheap
Push it through the doors
Because in between the lines
I'm gonna pack more lines
So I can get in
Ooh traffic jam got more cars
Than a beach got sand
Suck it up, suck it up, suck it up,
Fill it up until no more
I'm no crazy creep, I've got it coming
To me because I'm not satisfied
The hunger keeps on growing
I eat too much
I drink too much
I want too much
Too much

A bit of a stretch, you say? Not so fast. The way I read these lyrics, it's him talking to himself about giving to the $20 hooker that his older and "wiser" friend got him for his 18th birthday. Because nothing says "welcome to manhood" like a lifetime of penicillin. Seriously, try reading the lyrics now that you're in on that point of view. Sick, huh?

So there you have it. Now that I've successfully presented a case for all of these artists to be on the flip side of what you thought, do me a favor: go and try to listen to these songs the same way you always have.

C. D.

And The DJ Is In Business, Literally!

Good evening, kids!

I just wanted to let you all know that, should Josh pick his phone up tomorrow, my DJ equipment will finally be in my possession. I can start kicking the grooves at a party near you for a small, nominal fee. I can't promise anything but a good time. I take requests. I, however, will need a few weeks notice to pull anything off. If you're having a party, and want to have music but want to have the freedom to roam around your domicile, give me a chance. I promise, again, that I will provide a great time!

So, there's my business plug for the evening/week/month/whatever. I'm sure you'll see a bunch of them.

Anyway, I just received conformation that I'm pretty much going to have off for the wedding I'm going to on May 1st. Boaz, get ready for a wild time. You too, Krista. This is going to be a very interesting trip, as these 2 are 2 of my closest friends, and they will be meeting each other for the first time. And don't think I'm leaving you out, Angie and Clay. I know this is your wedding, but you guys are going to be very busy. You'll just have to hang out with us when you can.

Until next time,

C. D.

The Beatles!

OK, so it's another episode of my life. This entry is about my Beatles albums.

When I was younger, I didn't have quite the same musical tastes I do now. It was basically just what they played on Y100. Not much variety. But, thanks to my parents, and quite possibly divine intervention, I've learned better music (not that Y100 wasn't good). I've really gotten into older bands, such as Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, and The Beatles. And, as all The Fab Four's albums have been digitally remastered, I am currently on a quest to not only pick up those, but the compilation albums that, apparently, Apple doesn't really care about. I give to you, the list (the ones I own are in red):

Studio Albums (Remastered Ones)
Please Please Me (1963)
With The Beatles (1963)
A Hard Day's Night (1964)
Beatles For Sale (1964)
Help! (1965)
Rubber Soul (1965)
Revolver (1966)
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1967)
Magical Mystery Tour (1967)
The White Album (1968)
Yellow Submarine (1969)
Abbey Road (1969)
Let It Be (1970)

Compilations (Just the ones I want)
Hey Jude (1970)
1962-1966 (1973)
1967-1970 (1973)
Rock 'n' Roll Music (1976)
Anthology 1 (1995)
Anthology 2 (1996)
Anthology 3 (1996)
1 (2000)
Let It Be... Naked (2003)

I know, it's a big undertaking. I'm hoping to get some of these as gifts to help out with the collection hunting. I'll be updating this as I get them, but I won't be re-posting. That's just too much work.

C. D.

Google Wave

So, I got bored today (as you can see, 3 posts in one day. Oh my freaking gawd!)

Anyway, I was going through my different websites, and hit up College Humor. And I came across this video. So, I decided to search Google Wave in, what else, Google. I came across the website for the information on Google Wave, to which this video came up. (WARNING: It is nearly 90 minutes long.) Now there are some great features of this that I LOVE right off the bat, from what I've seen so far:

1) Instant Messaging. Now, when someone mentions instant messaging, you immediately think something like AIM or Yahoo! messenger. This is quite an advance. You get to see what the other person is typing as they are typing it. I don't think that was loud enough. You get to see what the other person is typing AS THEY ARE TYPING IT!!!! There, that's better. You know how in a normal real life conversation you can hear people say what they're saying without waiting for them to hit enter, send or done? This basically is the same thing, except with type, so that you can answer before you get the full question. Come to think of it, that brings it to a new level of internet douche-baggery, but, so far, it's only for people whom you chose to be a douche bag to. Speaking of,

2) Multiple users. Now, this is nothing new, which you can tell for those of you who use Gmail. You get conversations, and it tells you how many people are involved. The problem with this is that you either have to have everyone on board in the beginning, or you have to forward the entire conversation to that person to get them on board. No longer. You can just drag a person into a Wave, and they can hit Playback, saving you the 30 seconds to bring them back into the conversation.

3) Embedding. So, you've got your Wave set up. Sweet. You can show more than your 3 best friends, who are all in the Wave, that you just called Jose Canseco a juiced up bastard that doesn't deserve to be in the Hall of Fame (which is so true, by the way). Fear not. You can embed the Wave into a website, even a blog. This makes it pretty sweet to have a private conversation that 6 billion people can read.

4) Editing. So, let's go back here. Editing? That's right. If you were drunk, and you "accidentally" cursed out your spouse on a Wave that everyone is on, you can go back and delete it so that nobody can read it. Better yet, just change it so that you can talk about how much you love them. Can't get any better? What if someone just said "Hey Dan. You're a giant tool!" Well, you can go back and edit it to say "Hey Dan. You have a giant tool!" The only drawback to that is it will show you whoever wrote or edited that point, so if someone wanted to press playback, they'd see that you changed it, killing your already minimal credibility.

5) Documents. Remember those old days when you were in college 3 years ago, and you needed to type a paper for a group paper, but everyone's schedule sucked, so you were in the library until midnight the night before it's due trying to get it done? Well, you can still do that, for those of you that are glutton's for punishment. However, if you just want to be able to write the paper, and not actually have any human contact, you can all write the paper together in Wave. You can all write your part of the paper, and never have to get together to put it all together. No risk of program clashing.

It was at this point, I decided that I was done watching the video (about 38 minutes in). I like what I saw, and I have signed up to use it, however that doesn't guarantee I will until the actual launch of the non-Beta.

However, a quick hop over to the Wikipedia page set up for Wave, and you get this:

Google wave Extensions are mainly of 2 types:

• Gadgets : A gadget is an application users can participate with, many of which are built on Google’s OpenSocial platform. A good comparison would be iGoogle gadgets or Facebook applications.

• Robots : Robots are automated participants within a wave. They can talk with users and interact with waves. They can provide information from outside sources (i.e. Twitter, stock quotes, etc.). The latest version of robots API is 2.0.

If you didn't read the section about Robots, read it again. This is the beginning of robots being self-aware and taking over the world. HAS NO ONE HEADED THE WARNINGS THAT HAVE BEEN PUT TO THE CONSUMER SINCE TERMINATOR CAME OUT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

That being said, I'm jumping off here before one comes through my front door and kills me in my sleep.

C.D.

The (Lack of a) Love Life

Yep, that's right. We're diving in, head first, into one of the biggest issues that's plagued me throughout my I-like-girls days. So, where do I start?

Let's start with my "type". I don't really have one. I do prefer girls that are younger than I (legal, however. Anything younger is just... Gross.). I also prefer girls of Italian descent. Other than that, I'm not too picky. However, none of the girls that I have officially dated (meaning had titles) have fit more than one of the criteria, which would be the age thing. Want the list? Here it goes, and how long I dated them for:
Shannon, 36 hours
Caitlyn, 3 months
Angela, 3 months

And that's it. No more than 3, a total of 6 months and change of relationship there. The worst part? Shannon's married and Caitlyn's engaged. That's right. 2 of my ex's, both of which are younger than me, are both settled down, for the most part. What does this to for me? Depresses me, if you must ask. Not too bad, however. And one of those break-ups is the only regret in my life.

With all three, the start of the relationship was my choice, but not really. With Shannon, we just hung out a lot, and it led to the titles. I broke that one off for selfish reasons, and I'm pretty sure she knows that (I have apologized to her for it.). With Caitlyn, it was by complete accident. The day I met her, I didn't even talk to her until way late in the night, and ended up falling asleep in the same bed as her (nothing happened, at all.) A few weeks passed, and we decided to drop titles on the relationship. With Angela, she made all the moves on me. I don't complain about it. But that whole relationship was driven by her.

So why has my love life panned out this way? Because of my approach to it. Everyone has an approach, whether they choose to put it out there or not. Here's mine: I pick a girl that seems to have interest, but actually doesn't, or at least I think she doesn't. Then, instead of making a move, I just decide to talk my way out of making an approach, thus missing out on any chance of dating, well, anyone.

Yeah, my love life sucks. I'll find someone, but just wanted to get that off my chest.

C.D.

First Blog (But Not Really)

Hello all.

For those of you who have followed me around the internet since 1998 when I created my first web site, I welcome you back to my game. For those of you who have found me for the first time, I welcome you to an adventure, and this is going to be one whacked out ride. We'll laugh, we'll cry. Hell, we may even get drunk (if you create this into a drinking game, you are my new best friend!).

First things first, I just want to get this out of the way: the reason I'm starting this here is because my website, which was basically just a blog with other pages, was taken from me months ago, and I didn't realize it until this weekend when I tried to update it. So, suck it Microsoft! You can't stop me! Anyway, as for the intent of this page, I'm just writing my thoughts down. Do I want it to be a money generator? That would be nice, but not the intent. Do I want to get famous? Again, that would be nice, but not the intent. No. What I want to do is, as I've stated before, just share my thoughts with the world. There are many people out there that feel the same. Let's see if I can't get a few readers that are those people.

Well, I'm off for now. I should get another update tonight. I'm going to do this when I'm bored, and seeing how my work schedule keeps me off work during the worst times (a.k.a.: weekdays, so I'm bored), you'll be seeing a good number of posts, I hope.

C.D.